red hair & black leather

I am the EGG MAN!

2010-08-18T14:10:00.003-05:00

Dana's folding laundry in the bedroom. From the den comes this sound:

Tap tap tap... crack! followed by Jackson, "Hee hee hee hee!"

He's cracking eggs on the couch. Sofa omelet, anyone?

UPDATE: Also, just today, Jackson brought in the backyard trashcan and started emptying it on the living room floor. Must've had a shopvac demonstration planned.

Jackson's turning 4! Can you believe it?

2010-06-13T21:20:00.005-05:00

Four years old. 1 lb. 4 ozs. at birth, followed by 142 days in the hospital. Today he's rambunctious and loves to be outside and, especially after a bath, he cuddles up to you and still smells like heaven.

We get to hold a living breathing miracle every day.

My heart of silk
is filled with lights,
with lost bells,
with lilies and bees,
I will go far,
farther than those hills,
farther than the seas,
close to the stars,
to beg Christ the Lord
to give back the soul I had
of old, when I was a child,
ripened with legends,
with a feathered cap
and a wooden sword.
-- Lorca

Proud Moments in Parenting (episode 528)

2010-03-24T10:24:00.002-05:00

Chandler is doing homework. She reads from her worksheet:

"'How does a word change when you put un in front of it?' Like it says here, write a sentence with each word... button... un-button?"

Dad: "Right."

She writes button and unbutton into sentences. Next word: able.

"Able. 'I am... able... to drive a car.'"

Dad: "Good..."

"'I am unable to... fart my ABC's.'"

Fear in the Morning (unrated)

2010-01-21T07:04:00.002-06:00

Early morning, suburban household. DAD is in the dimly lit kitchen, gets sip of coffee and grimaces. He starts emptying the dishwasher, eyes still barely open -- cereal bowls in the top cabinet; saucepans and pots down low by the stove. Silverware tray stuff all goes in the drawer.

In the bedrooms, MOM is up, too, getting hangers with clothes from her closet. She heads up the hallway then hears a low rumbling growl. The sound is like something from the AMITYVILLE HORROR, or an EXORCIST sequel. She freezes, looks overhead toward the attic door; her eyes widen; pulse quickens. Then, from DAUGHTER'S room, the growl stops, and a demonic voice says:

"TELL DAD TO STOP MESSIN' WITH THE DISHES....!"

Keep your eyes open for the moment when hope arrives.

2009-06-15T21:44:00.002-05:00

That's what the Preacher said. Even with eyes wide open, it's sometimes difficult to discern.

But I'm of the opinion it's all in your perspective. Insert joke about those goofy ATTITUDE posters here. It's true, though. My attitude improves in direct proportion to my vegetable planting.

Jackson's third birthday, can you believe it…?

It's been no bed of roses – well, wait, actually, it has. Lovely to look at, heavenly smell, but messy and chaotic at times, and, if you ain't careful, you can get badly scratched. Develop a tough skin; keep first aid stuff handy; look before you leap; and use general common sense. Other than that, leave it in God's hands. Focus on doing what you must, not overwhelming yourself, and remembering to savor it all.

Miracle Boy gets attention everywhere he goes. It's the hair. And the way he goes and goes and goes.

Three years have gone by in frequent information overload. Some highlights and milestones:

2006, Christmas: Jackson at home, the best Christmas present ever. His Great-grandma Kay comes from FL and holds him every minute she can.

2007: Many doctor visits; synagis shots at $2300 a pop. Jackson's eyes and brain are checking out fine.

Tommy went to magnet school; Harrison and Chandler go to Holy Cross.

Dana's doing everything for everyone. She has a dream that her Dad rises out of Jackson's head in his crib and then is standing next to our bed. He puts his hand on her head and tells her everything is going to be okay.

Jeff goes for Masters degree at Troy, knowing that career ambition is a beast with sharp teeth which are liable to bite in any direction.

2008: Jackson with the speech therapist:

"Bath. Jackson: say bath." Jackson runs in the bathroom and takes off his shirt.

Later, "…snack. Jackson, snack…?" He runs in the pantry and brings her a bag of chips.

"Okay, he knows words, and he'll talk when he's ready…!"

My favorite from this period was the night he said "Oh-de-oh-de-oh-de-OH!" Think Cab Calloway.

Dana nearly loses her mind with a houseful of kids all summer. Jeff nearly loses his mind, but finishes degree (so far, that and $4 will get you a tall mocha java).

2009: Jackson runs and runs some more. He loves outside. He's prone to yank all his clothes off from time to time. He loves water, but spends more time at the pool running from place to place. I don't take a camera to the pool, but will remember till my last breath the sight of him in the fountain, splashing, spraying diamonds into the clear blue sky.

Dana starts back teaching preschool, relieved to go to work.

Writing's been hard, and as many times as I've wanted to, I'm too sleepy; too angry; too depressed to do it justice. It's felt like my best efforts and energy were sucked out of me, or I gave it obsessively, for work work and more work. And why? The pay's just the same.

"…maybe you couldn't enjoy your life and put it into the bank, too." Neighbor Rosicky, Willa Cather

The workplace has frequently been a funhouse run by madmen with no sense of humor; oh, the stories I could tell… but if the Feds want more, they know where to find me.

I've had the easy part; Dana's the one with the real burden.

If only. Everyone says that sometime in life. There are moments when you literally hate your life, and wonder what if. We do the best we can with what we know at the moment. But we don't cut ourselves any slack at these low moments that come further on up the road.

Only 2 things you can do with the past: live with it, and learn from it. I think grief is like a boulder, and sometimes we can only stand there waiting, watching, willing it to wear down from the elements. It does seem to take forever and ever for it to change even the slightest amount, while events rocket past, around, over and through us.

Dana was a single widow with Harrison, and Chandler on the way, in summer 2001. Her dad and mom offered to help her move back home, numerous times. Once a sweet little old lady at church talked with her and said, "God picks these flowers for a reason." She stayed in Montgomery. Chandler was born 5 weeks premature, and came home 9/10/01, the day before "the day that changed everything."

Dana's dad, Rev. Marcus Jackson Chandler, was one of the best men God ever put on this earth. On top of that, he was Dana's daddy and her foundation for everything that was good and true and righteous in this world. Everyone who came to comfort him, while he was bedridden for 4 years, came away comforted.

He was hospitalized in 2003. His lungs were filling up; he couldn't talk. Trying to comfort him, one of his siblings tried to help him, telling him to relax, and he didn't have to fight so hard, and Marcus pointed at Dana. He was holding on for her.

He recovered.

He married us, from his bed at home, in 2004. I promised him I would take as much care of her as she would let me.

The last time he fell ill, January 2005, everyone feared this was the last time, at last. It was.

I never heard Marcus speak again. I heard that he did have moments of alertness when he tried to speak, and that he actually did see his brother Edward (who's also a pastor), look right at him, and say just one word: "Pray."

If you were laboring to breathe, knowing any one might very well be your last breath, what one word would you say…?

We get to see a miracle, living and breathing and playing, every day.

The great African guitarist, Ali Farka Touré, once said the spirits must have love for a person to send him the music, and that he was as transported as the listener, completely content; and that "one cannot always feel that way, but wait just a little while, and one will get that feeling back."

For everyone who's supported, encouraged, prayed for, fed, or generally taken an interest in us, bless you and thank you. I hope this little update reflects some of that love back to you.

Summer fun.

2009-06-02T11:06:00.003-05:00

Chandler, hearing some soccer teammates were on the swim team: "Do they wear thongs?"

Not thongs, Speedos. She and Harrison started swim practice this week. Funny stuff.

Hurricane season is upon us. Glad they're not predicting a nice quiet storm season; maybe we'll make it through without another onslaught. Cool tool here.

More fun with maps here.

Bradley Byrne has run off to run for Gov. Some of us in the 2 year college orbit considered starting a pool on departure date, I coulda won some money. Roy Moore wants the spotlight back, too. Wonder if they'll have another Ten Commandments Rolling Thunder Circus outside the Supreme Court...?

Should be interesting times in the next 12 months.

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

2009-04-03T09:36:00.001-05:00

Not me, that other Jeff. The one using my name and DOB, apparently.

June, 2008: Background checks at work. SSN optional; sure, use mine, why not? Guess what, a guy with my DOB and name in FL has a drug conviction. Not me, though.

July, 2008: Go to renew my driver's license, and after a Mad TV skit's worth of runaround, find out there's a hold because S. Carolina law enforcement shows a J. Jones with a pending felony. No SSN on file, though. Thanks guys!

Now: I have a chance to teach some courses online with my spiffy new Masters degree except – my alleged sins have overtaken me again. S. Carolina at least warns you that the basic online search for 25 non-refundable dollars won't help with a common name. All ya get is first initial. How many J Jones listings are in your local phone book…? So, one more trip to the post office, another money order, more fingerprints, more paperwork.

Cue the line from The Outlaw Josey Wales: "Doin' right ain't got no end."

You know you’re a parent when:

2009-03-23T10:17:00.001-05:00

You search and eventually find the thermometer. On your daughter's dresser. Next to a couple of Barbies in various states of undress and baldness from bad haircuts; a half-eaten coconut; an empty box of Band-Aids (they make great stickers!); 14 hairbrushes; an open box of Animal Crackers; whiteboard markers; and a soccer whistle.

Time passages.

2009-03-20T22:20:00.004-05:00

And other song-related phrases. Yep, we had a snow on March 1st, '09. Maybe I can break off an hour to put up that video this month.

Between the '08 and '09 snows, one or two things happened:

Jackson continues to be a miracle boy
But he's wearing his mama out as 3 approaches

Chandler sang her first solo in a play
The sweetest cow music you ever heard

Harrison's dominating the family Guitar Hero duels
Sits down to play, resents being asked "what, are ya old?!?"

Tommy's settled into magnet school
Wonders why all this work doesn't include salary, coffee bar, scones

Dana looks ahead to summer
Longs for sight of camp bus pulling away

Jeff finished Masters program
Says "Aks me anythang, I got degree!"

I started this with the aim of remembering the moments that matter, smallest to largest. Life has skipped that creeping by in its petty pace Shakespeare thing -- it's been chrome-wheeled fuel-injected steppin' out over the line for the past 18 months or so. My school's done; the work scandals are behind us. Time to savor a bit and remember what all the work is really for.

Chandler at Let's Pretend Hospital, where she played mama and hit her "husband" in the head with her purse because he didn't have $35,000 for the bill

Oh, yeah, and it snowed!

2008-02-25T11:29:00.002-06:00

Whatever will be, will be.

2008-02-25T08:47:00.003-06:00

Well... yes and no. There's such a thing as coincidence. But there are very few pure accidents. Things happen for a reason. We don't always see it at the moment, or maybe ever. But there's always a cause and an effect. Ever see just one ripple on a pond...?

January 1983: I was a naive freshman at the University of Alabama. One quarter at Troy was enough for me; nothing wrong with the place, just with me. So I transferred. Was still trying to find my way around. I had friends from Tallassee around to help, too.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday was English, 9 am. Dr. Beidler looked and acted like John Astin's brother; told great stories about his time in Vietnam to illustrate how language changed over time. "'Search and destroy' became 'search and (wink wink) clear'..." Our book was "Writing is an Unnatural Act." Damn straight.

Waiting for class and wanting to see the Crimson White. They couldn't be found today. Must be running late. Saw a couple guys with a stack of papers near the door; but it was time for class. Later, no papers. Where'd they all go...? I knew the editor, maybe I'd ask her.

Later we found that 11,000 or so papers were printed, but only a few ever got out. Wonder what the front page story was that day?

Big expose on the Machine (which, of course, does not exist). Later it came out that SGA independent candidate John Bolus' office had been wiretapped, allegedly by the Machine (w,oc,dne). Word later got out that two students were questioned by the FBI, but no charges ever filed. Federal crime, a felony committed, over a student government election...? Y'all crazy, I thought.

But why disappear all the newspapers...? Who cares that much about something that's tomorrow's bird cage liner? Powerful people with petty vendettas and/or short fuses...?

Don't know what reminded me of these old memories. Sometimes a song, a scent, the seasonal changes will bring it on, and it's almost like you're there. It just seems like I've seen this movie before, maybe more than once.

History: Still Rhymin', After All These Years.

Wow, cool.

2008-02-23T10:57:00.001-06:00

Office 2007 lets you do this bloggy thing right from Word. A point for Bill. And you know I despise Word, with a burning hatred white-hot as a thousand suns.

Many things happening all at once. Nearing the end of another term in the Master's program (3 to go!). There will be much rejoicing in October, it is hoped. Kaizen: there are 2 kinds of people, those who get things done, and those who try and offer excuses.

Milton's book is nearly done. Can't wait for my autographed copy.

My old friend Jill Simpson will be on 60 Minutes Sunday night. Skip the Oscars and see what went on with Don Siegelman, and get a hint of what's still unfolding today in AL.

Once upon a time...

2007-11-19T14:10:00.000-06:00

...I remember blogging. Now, today, there's no real reason to start back. Except for the following Chandler on Monday morning update:

Morning. Breakfast. Apple turnovers; bacon. Kids, eating; beginning to wake up.

Jeff, standing by sink with coffee: And Josh and Jarred will be here from Florida on Wednesday!
Chandler: Josh AND Jarred?!?
Tommy: Wednesday!
Chandler: In the morning?
Harrison: Wednesday!
Chandler: Not today?
Jeff: Wednesday!
Chandler: Oh, pooter sauce*...
Jeff: You got the recipe for pooter sauce...?
Chandler: (burps, make disgusted face) That's how ya make pooter sauce.

[* as in Spongebob's "aw, tartar sauce"]

Later that same day:

Phone rings in the office. Jeff answers:
Chandler: Daddy! NIPPLESAREBOOBSFORBOYS!
Jeff: What...?
Chandler: NIPPLES ARE BOOBS FOR BOYS!

We have so much to be thankful for. I'm grateful that's it's always entertaining at our house.

The tragedy and the comedy(?)

2007-08-02T13:19:00.000-05:00

First:

Hello all,
Unfortunately, this email update is not the kind I prefer to send, but I wanted to keep all informed of the BLTs actions be they good or bad. Another bad day yesterday and this time it was very personal as I was in very close proximity. One of my Marines assigned to my personal security detachment was killed and another urgently wounded by an IED blast. Their names are Cpl Sean Stokes - KIA and Sgt Adams - WIA.

These were truly my go to guys and the loss of Cpl Stokes is tough to swallow. The Marines are remaining strong and vigilant as always, but we are definitely a bit stunned and extremely saddened by this loss. These two Marines saved my life in a manner of speaking as they always precede me wherever I go and I had not quite made it to their position when the IED (actually two IEDs daisy-chained or linked together) exploded. If another 5 to 10 seconds has elapsed, the SgtMaj and I
would have been beside them and would likely have been dead as well. It is hard to shake something like that, life is so fragile. I was able to hold Cpl Stokes as Doc worked on him and I know he heard me talking to him, so I hope my words were the right ones. Unfortunately, he succumbed to his wounds right there on the road as we were loading him into the Medevac helicopter. God bless his soul.

The rest of the PSD Marines are doing fine and I spoke with them yesterday afternoon after we made it back to the COP. They are hurting, but we had to get right back out there today. I will admit is was a little tough strapping the gear on this morning and heading out and driving by the blast site was very surreal. We will overcome this loss as we have in the past and will continue to press the fight and give our adversaries no respite.

I hope this email finds everyone well and please remember these Marines and their families in your thoughts and prayers. Take care all and Semper Fi!

Love,
Phil

PS. Just received an update on Sgt Adams. He has fragmentation to his face, neck, hip and left leg, blast burns to his face, and damage to his lower intestine. The prognosis is good though and he has completed his initial round of surgeries in Iraq and is now being transported to Germany for follow-on surgery. I feel confident he will make a full recovery.

LtCol Phillip W. Chandler
Commanding Officer
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
COP xxxxxxxx, IRAQ

Followup:

Dear Family,

Thank you all for your emails and words of encouragement. I, and the battalion, also thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Yes, we are truly saddened by our losses, but we are in no way deterred from our mission. You all know me too well and know I am way too stubborn to let the insurgents get the better of us. No one knows better than the people I am writing to now the temper of a Chandler. They are just lucky I do not send for the whole Chandler clan. We could have this all wrapped up in a matter of weeks. Please take care all and I hope everyone is having an enjoyable summer.

PS. Let us not forget that football season is right around the corner, so WAR EAGLE!!!!!! I know that pains some of you, but humor me okay.

I love you all and God bless.

Semper Fidelis,
Phil

And finally, three related bits. One:

Poll finds majority of Alabamians rate Bush only fair or poor

MOBILE, Ala. (AP) - A new survey shows a slight majority of Alabamians feel President Bush is doing only a fair or poor job overall and a large majority view his handling of the Iraq war as only fair or poor.

But while respondents don't approve of Bush's handling of the war, most trust the president to do a better job handling it than Democrats: 50 percent sided with the GOP, 29 percent sided with Democrats and 21 percent didn't know or had no answer.

Two:

Poll: 'None of the above' leads GOP field

WASHINGTON (AP) -- And the leading Republican presidential candidate is ... none of the above.
art.giuliani.gi.jpg

Though Rudy Giuliani leads GOP candidates, more Republican poll respondents said they didn't favor any of the candidates.

The latest Associated Press-Ipsos poll found that nearly a quarter of Republicans are unwilling to back top-tier hopefuls Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, John McCain or Mitt Romney, and no one candidate has emerged as the clear front-runner among Christian evangelicals.

Three, Jeff's prediction of what's on the horizon:

Jeb Bush Reveals His “Mystical Warrior” Friend

Last week, after “more than an hour of solemn ceremony” swearing in Rep. Marco Rubio (R-FL) as House speaker, Gov. Jeb Bush stepped to the podium to tell “a short story about ‘unleashing Chang,’ his ‘mystical warrior’ friend.”

Below, courtesy of the Gainesville Sun, are Bush’s words, “spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians”:

“Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

“I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.”

Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

”I’m going to bestow to you the sword of a great conservative warrior,” he said, as the crowd roared.

Phil and all his comrades in Iraq deserve so much better.

Go, Miracle Boy, Go!

2007-07-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

Tick tock tick tock!

2007-05-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day goodness:

Jackson's over 16 lbs. now. Turns 1 year old on 6/14 (adjusted age will be 8 months).

Tommy's turned 9. I could tell an entire story about turning 9 in 1973 here. No time now.

School lets out for summer this week. Let there be swimming, sleepovers, and all the fun we can squeeze into the next 10 weeks.

Master's program at Troy has begun officially today (though I started last week on my many assignments!).

Off to the beach for a work conference in a couple weeks. I expect to do a lot of... research from poolside, with a refreshing beverage close to hand.

Long time no update.

2007-04-27T16:29:00.000-05:00

Life continues. Too much going on to comment. Jackson's 15 lbs. 4 oz. Yes, a 15 pound gain since 6/14/06. Summer is upon us and the beach beckons.

"My life would be the poem I writ/ but I could not both live and utter it." - Thoreau

More soon.

Jackson, 4 5 2007

2007-04-05T16:40:00.000-05:00

Jackson tries a biter biscuit, finds it makes a great face paint when wet.

Pictorial Goodness

2007-03-20T16:41:00.000-05:00

This is what childhood should be:

Smalltown News, March 2007

2007-03-05T08:02:00.000-06:00

Enterprise Storm Assistance
Help out here. Thanks, Red State Diaries!

Jackson gets rave reviews in Birmingham
Pulmonologist "wowed" by his progress

Chandler goes on photo safari
"I got the boys playing GameCube! and Chewie!"

Harrison begins spring soccer Saturday
"Time for an in-yo'-face disgrace!"

Tommy tests for 2nd-stripe yellow belt, breaks more boards
"Yeah it hurts but that's the fun part!"

Dana getting more sleep, 'not about to snap'
'Unless that Naked Brothers Band show comes on one more time...!'

Jeff teaches music during School of Rock
"Step OFF! step OFF!"

Meanwhile, we're having more interesting times at work. Alabama's 2-year college system, where the party never stops! If you're a legislator who by some chance is not on our payroll, you better sign up now.

Chris Rock: "They call it community college for a reason -- anybody in the community can get in! It's just like a disco wit' books! 'Ya got $2? come on in!'"

If only I could tell all I know.

Network admins and email gurus know -- there are no secrets, none that can be kept from the keeper of the ultimate administrator passwords. No, I don't read everyone's email. But I could, anytime the mood struck me. And those archived messages going back 4-5 years...! woohoo, bet there's some gems in there!

I keep off-site DVD copies, too. One can never be too cautious.

By the way -- IMs on your corporate network: those can be recorded, too. Don't ever message anything you don't want the boss to see. That is all.

Oh, and for those who asked: I did not get the major promotion (which would've nearly doubled my salary). The job is being re-advertised, with lowered standards. I inquired about earning a Master's Degree, for future consideration, and the idea was discouraged.

But I'm not bitter, oh no. Living well is the best revenge.

Jackson Update, 2 16 07

2007-02-16T14:05:00.000-06:00

Jackson turned 8 months old on 2/14/07. It's hard to imagine. There's a record of the whole story, though: hardcover or paperback (these are at-cost -- no profit will be made). Free download pdf files, too.

The 1st hardcovers look great; don't have a paperback in hand yet, but it oughta be fine.

Anyone who's had a preemie, or knows someone who has, or just likes babies... should appreciate this. Pass it along.

The Sweetest Gift of All

2007-02-14T11:37:00.000-06:00

Gifts for all occasions.

2007-01-25T12:07:00.000-06:00

Jackson update
1 25 07, 12:00 pm

Breaking news: 10 lbs. 8 oz. And 22" long. And released -- all done --
with the cardiologist as of today.

"wait, not ready..."

"ok, go!"

"hah...!"

"It's my birthday! pump it up day!"

2007-01-24T15:05:00.000-06:00

Smalltown News

Seven's a big number for Harrison
Turns 7 this week; expects to outgrow 7 pairs of shoes in the next year

Tommy's focused on 2nd-stripe yellow belt
"Boards everywhere: prepare to be broken"

Chandler quizzed about school Spanish program
"I like the Spanish clothes."

Jackson kicking toward crawler-hood
Very near turning himself over now

Whew! The hurrier we go, the behinder we get.

Jackson says "chicken bueno!"

2007-01-05T15:45:00.000-06:00

Food of any kind, actually -- he thinks it's ALL GOOD! So do I.

Christmas 2006 highlights

2007-01-03T09:57:00.000-06:00

The book won't ship until mid-January. Free 70MB pdf download is available here. It's non-profit, but probably still over the legal limit, 'cause there's quoted stuff I never got permission for in there. But like Bob Dylan sang, "Ever'body must get sued!" or something like that.

Rock 'n roll is all about stickin' it to The Man.

2006-12-22T10:30:00.000-06:00

"Step OFF!" by the Harrison Chandler Experience.

Jackson update: Feliz Navidad!

2006-12-19T07:27:00.000-06:00

December 2006

Updates have been few and far between. So much to do -- doctor visits in bunches; Christmas shopping; work; school.

December 8-12

Head scan visit; all went very well. Healing continues from the brain bleed back in the summer. "He's a miracle, you know that...?" they ask us. We know, yeah.

Chandler brings home her gingerbread creation from the neighbors' kitchen.

Watching "School of Rock" on TV inspires the Harrison Chandler Experience in their latest kitchen performance: a medley of "Talking Schoolboy Christmas Blues" and "Step OFF!" ("here's where you come in with a face-melter!") featuring Chandler's.... interpretive dancing. Watch for it soon on DVD!

December 11

Went to Children's Hospital in Birmingham for pulmonary dysplasia testing. X-ray: 75 people in a 50 person waiting room, and some of them sounded like upper-respiratory infection poster children, so we waited down the hall in Nuclear Med. I got to hold Jackson down, and wear the lead-lined vest. Easy.

Then lab work. The needle sticks didn't seem to bother him as much as being held tightly, and the pressure bandage on his arm that made his hand turn purple. We peeled that off as quick as we could. After that, it was all smooth sailing, and a long sail, at that: we visited the RN, dietitian, social worker, environmental staff, grounds crew. Maybe I exaggerate a bit. But everyone gushed about how cute our boy is.

Pulmonologist Dr. Lozano was very nice, said "Wow!" a lot about Jackson's development, and the fact that we didn't havemonitors or oxygen tanks at home. His assessment: "Lungs look great, I just want more of them, so let's keep him growing. Bigger boy, bigger lung capacity..."

December 16

Christmas in L.A. (lower Alabama). Sunny and warm, feasting, opening of presents, and lots of sleepy full relaxation.

Turkey, dressing, hash brown casserole, sweet potato souffle -- do not mix with pogo sticks. FYI.

December 18

So, we're closing the year, as the saying is.

To anyone reading this, who might ever face such a situation, a few practical tips. No one ever tells you:

You'll get all the co-pay bills on one day
We got 142 days x $25 per day in one envelope. Can't y'all make it a monthly thing...?

Ambulances ride on gold-plated rims
Transport to Atlanta and back: $1900 (not covered)
Six-mile ride from one hospital to another: $1100 (not covered)

Ronald McDonald House is a great and wonderful thing
Don't be ashamed to pay $10 a night; make yourself at home

Steal some of the nipples your baby likes best before you leave the NICU
You won't be able to find exactly the same ones in a store

Doctors will prescribe things corporate "drug marts" just don't carry
Make friends with a specialty pharmacist today

So, whatever you might have saved, figure on doubling or tripling it. These things aren't totally unexpected, but nobody gives you any warning.

This book has been a blast to do. A walk down book-designer memory lane. And a real heartbreaker at times. Look at pictures, think back, read the notes... take a moment. Think about the surgeries and exams, and remember the part about Marcus, and Grandpa Henry looking down and smelling his cigar, and... take a really long moment.

And now of course there are tools available to "slurp" your blog into book form. Too late now; maybe the next book. Lulu has been a piece of cake; let me get the first proof copies in hand, in case anything needs adjusting. Then I'll post the link. It'll be a free download, or you can buy the book (there is some legally dubious quoting in there, so I won't make any profit off it, and maybe we can slide by... dunno).

Thanks beyond measure to our families and friends (old and new), and to the extended Family of Jackson the world over. If all you did was wish to yourself for good news on our behalf, please know it was appreciated.

All the prayers prayed for us -- thanks again, everyone. Can't help but feel a bit obligated to repay you with this little bit of testimony.

In spite of the couple (okay, several.... alright, many) nights I recall screaming out, "THIS is your plan?!? You call this being in control...?!?" at God, I come back again and again to Dana's story.

Dana was at the time a widowed mother, with a little boy, and a baby on the way. A little old lady told her at church, "God picks these flowers for a reason."

Things happen for a reason. We don't always know the reason. Sometimes we never find out. Why? Because. And that's maybe as much answer as you're ever going to get.

In the meantime, I can and will do this much. Three things, daily: Love. Hope. Believe.

Jackson update, 12 1 2006

2006-12-01T13:40:00.000-06:00

Jackson: 7 lbs. and smiling!

Superboy's 6 months old as of 12/14. Doctor visit Tuesday; Chandler wanted to know if he had to pee in a cup. 7 lbs. 3 ozs, 19.5" long; they say he can eat some vegetables now. He's already tried some cereal, with banana.

Yesterday, ladies were oohing and aahing over him at the store. "Oh! you're so cute!" and he'd smile every time one said "cute". You mean, handsome -- boys are handsome.

Doctor visit today; head scan good. Phenobarb still prescribed, just not at midnight (whew!). He's alert and bright-eyed, all good signs.

Monday we go for a bronchopulmonary dsyplasia test. We'll see how that goes.

Last night in Harrison's room he scooted about 2 inches. This is only the beginning.

Now be thankful.

2006-11-22T08:54:00.000-06:00

Jackson is 161 days old today.

When the stone is grown too cold to kneel
In crystal waters I'll be bound
Cold as stone, weary to the sounds upon the wheel

Now be thankful for good things below
Now be thankful to your maker
For the rose, the red rose blooms for all to know

When the fire is grown too fierce to breathe
In burning embers I'll be bound
Fierce as fire, weary to the sounds upon the wheel

Now be thankful for good things below
Now be thankful to your maker
For the rose, the red rose blooms for all to know

-- Fairport Convention, 1970

Chandler's latest and possibly greatest

2006-11-15T09:12:00.000-06:00

Sunday night; Dana's finding Chandler some pajamas right after bath-time.

Dana: "NO! you can't wear that, you'll freeze!"
Chandler: "I want this."
Dana: "NO! here, put on these...! Chandler!"
Chandler: "Uh UH!" (starts putting on summer PJs, mutters something like 'loser')
Dana: "Girl...! Already told you -- Santa's not bringin' you nothin'!"
Chandler: "Uh UHHHHH!"
Dana: "And don't scream at me. I'll get a belt... pop that little be-hind!"
Chandler: "I'm gonna pop that booty till I get wicked!"

We have no idea where that came from. But it's been the catch-phrase of the week.

Chapter 1: Jackson comes home and takes a bath!

2006-11-13T07:57:00.000-06:00

Jackson came home Saturday, November 4th, after 142 days in the NICU. There's more pics to come, just now the camera's full though.

A photo book of our entire journey is on the way. Santa, hurry up!

An extra special word of gratitude to all of our family, this means extended family and worldwide acquaintances who've all followed the story:

"Hope is the chief blessing of man, and that hope only is rational of which we are certain that it cannot deceive us."
-- Samuel Johnson

"So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
-- I Corinthians 13:13

Jackson update, 10 26 2006: Happy Christmas!

2006-10-26T12:40:00.000-05:00

Jackson: "'Bout time!"

Yeah, it's still 59 days till Christmas. But it's official, just now: Jackson comes home Monday, 10/30!

Superboy gained a steady 1 lb. a month for the 1st four months; in the past 17 days he's put on a whole 'nother pound. He tips the scales at 6 lbs. 1.2 oz. Nicknames include Rump Roast, Muscleman, and Chunky Monkey.

Pics from Atlanta trip to Emory/Childrens' Hospital:

Jackson update: Heartbreak or jubilation

2006-10-13T09:13:00.000-05:00

I remember that someone described Duane Allman's guitar playing as either heartbreak or jubilation. Sometimes both in the same song. Got that right.

Thursday, 10 12 2006

The doctor told Dana yesterday that we need to prepare to "room-in" next week, maybe Wednesday-Thursday, then we'd take Jackson home. Tentative dates would be the following Monday-Tuesday. After 120 or so days in the hospital, we're beyond ready. And the extended family is jubilant!

Friday, 10 13 2006

The eye doctor says this morning that we're transporting him Sunday to Egleston in Atlanta for something exploratory -- just being extra-cautious now, rather than waiting 6 months -- on his eyes. If it's good, we'll come back Monday. If not, there'll be surgery and we'll come back Tuesday.

They can qualify and re-assure and hem-haw all they want. Doctors oughta know anytime you use the words "surgery" in reference to any parent's baby, there's an instantaneous blood-pressure jump and an uncontrollable urge to start packing.

Deep cleansing breaths, everybody. Superboy will be fine. I'll be posting regular reports.

Jackson update, 10 11 2006

2006-10-11T11:56:00.000-05:00

Jackson's 5 lbs. 1.3 oz. today. He'll be 4 months old on Oct. 14.

They weaned him all the way off the canula. He did well a day or two. Now we're putting the oxygen back on just for feeding time (when it will stay -- usually he squirms it loose). He finishes the bottle better for Dana than for anyone else. Mamas just know how. And sometimes he needs a little more sleep, rather than trying to adhere to a strict schedule.

He let go an actual laugh sound for Dana the other day. "Heh!" And last night he either did a really high-pitched burp or said to me "ha!"

More pictures of chubby little fingers and toes tomorrow.

Jackson update, 9 28 2006

2006-09-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

Jackson's original due date is tomorrow. Today, he passed his hearing test. And got circumcised (pause while all male readers shift uncomfortably in their seats).

Weight is at 4 lbs. 8.x oz. He's weaned down to .75 liter on oxygen. Bottle feeding going well. We're short-timers in the NICU now, it seems. I'm struggling to find the right words and grateful gestures for all the staff there. And the senior volunteers at the desk are asking Dana when she'll come visit them.

Jackson artwork for ya. Looks smashing on a plush black pillow, by the way. Grandmas and great-grandmas will receive theirs shortly; Dana loves hers already.

"ABC, easy as 1-2-3..."

Finally made the work breakthrough we've been searching for (ABC is our budget application). My gray hair may have doubled in the past 3 weeks with the Big Time Server Migration we've done. But the last major hurdle has now been cleared. Exhale.

Contract renewed today. We're in the money. Life is beautiful!

Jackson update, 9 26 2006

2006-09-26T12:38:00.001-05:00

I missed updating on 9 14 -- Jackson's 3 months old as of then, and today marks Day 103 for him in the NICU.

Jackson's at 4 lbs. 7 oz. Bottle-feeding will be offered every time for now. He'll just need to not burn so many calories doing it.

Dr. Bonner says he'll be put on 1 liter oxygen instead of 2, and his breathing will need to improve. Then maybe he comes home in 2 weeks.

Threads of Love asked to used this hat picture. Most certainly.

Jackson update, 9 26 2006

2006-09-26T12:38:00.000-05:00

Jackson update, 9 15 2006

2006-09-15T16:15:00.000-05:00

(you'll want a tissue for this)

I blame Bill Gates (ask me anything about IIS 6.0) and too many working hours (don't ask me anything about Bishop State) for the Jackson update interruption.

He's taking 29-30cc bottle feed at 9 am, 9 pm and 3 am. Breathing room air most of the time. Eye doctor is pleased with his progress.

And today he had a head scan. Results good. And:

If he keeps breathing as well as he has, and starts taking a bottle feed for every feed, we could spend a night in the hospital and bring him home with us in 2 weeks.

Jackson Fashion update

2006-08-30T07:26:00.000-05:00

Katrina memorial flashback.

2006-08-28T12:19:00.000-05:00

Top 10 Reasons New Orleans NEEDS Karl Rove to Lead the Rebuilding:

10. The man knows all about things that leak, mud, where the bodies are buried...

9. It's hard to indict a man with a really fast fan-boat

8. Finally got Cheney out of hiding, so he knows how to handle vampires, the undead, etc.

7. "Scooter Libby, Hurricane Czar" ...just wouldn't sound right

6. The man's been in politics all his life -- he's obviously impervious to toxic waste

5. Those casinos won't rebuild themselves, y'know!

4. Locals aren't allowed to pay for drinks in the French Quarter, so Karl could pay their bar tab

3. Dubya's already done the Mission Accomplished thing -- let Karl have a turn in a haz-mat suit

2. Survivors need a strong compassionate leader, one with experience giving out no-bid contracts to needy corporations

1. He does a rockin' zydeco version of "Pop That Coochie"!

What's on your mind?

2006-08-25T11:36:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking about laser photocoagulation. This is where they'll do laser surgery on both Jackson's eyes, trying to fix the development of his optic nerves and their attachment to the retina.

We found out yesterday that they're doing it today. I tried to sing sweet songs to him last night while I was holding him, but it was just too much. It kept changing into "Go to the Mirror, Boy":

[Doctor:]

He seems to be completely unreceptive.
The tests I gave him show no sense at all.
His eyes react to light the dials detect it.
He hears but cannot answer to your call.

[Tommy:]

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.

[Doctor:]

There is no chance no untried operation.
All hope lies with him and none with me.
Imagine though the shock from isolation.
When he suddenly can hear and speak and see.

[Tommy:]

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.

[Doctor:]

His eyes can hear
his ears can see his lips speak
All the time the needles flick and rock.
No machine can give the kind of stimulation,
Needed to remove his inner block.

Go to the mirror boy!
Go to the mirror boy!

[Father:]

I often wonder what he's feeling.
Has he ever heard a word I've said?
Look at him now in the mirror dreaming
What is happening in his head?

[Tommy:]

Listening to you I get the music.
Gazing at you I get the heat
Following you I climb the mountain
I get excitement at your feet!

Right behind you I see the millions
On you I see the glory.
From you I get the opinions
From you I get the story.

[Father:]

What is happening in his head...?
Ooooh, I wish I knew, I wish I knew.

UPDATE: Saturday, 6 pm
Jackson came through like a trooper. Nurse said he never de-satted once, which is unheard of. Doctor felt good, that they lasered everything they needed to. Now we'll watch and wait and see how he develops.

He got off the ventilator within a couple hours. Today he's done great, back up to full feedings of 24cc, and they're wanting to get him to room air.

Life is beautiful. But Jackson is the beautifullestest.

Jackson update, 8 8 2006

2006-08-08T16:20:00.000-05:00

55 days old today. He's at 2 lbs. 6 oz. 14" long. Latest eye exam good.

Later this week, they will try to take Jackson off the ventilator. They teased us last week, but decided to wait. His breaths per minute rate is an important number -- he was down to 10. But he couldn't stay there for too long before getting tuckered out. He was down to room air levels on O2% a few times, but the same thing: his lungs are getting stronger, but it's taking time.

So, we haven't heard the cry yet. But maybe later this week, when they try the CPAT.

Dana went in Sunday, said, "Ooh, look at your big-boy diaper!" and Jackson said "oo...".

Harrison went to see him today for the 1st time: "He looks like me". And wanted to know all about all the numbers on the machines.

Chandler's latest: or, sneaking back up in

Dana's shooing Chandler into the bathroom. The girl's been outside all day long in the heat, in the pool, got mud and grass in her hair. Bath water's running.

"I have to go potty."

"Okay."

"You can stay here. Don't look at me."

"What?"

"Turn your head."

Dana turns her head and grins.

"Don't smile!"

Dana tries to hold it back.

"Don't SMILE!"

Dana's laughing now.

"Don't LAUGH!"

Dana's trying not to look, still laughing.

"Don't LOOK! DON'T LAUGH!"

"Chandler, why not?"

"You might make my poopoo sneak back up in there."

Jackson update

2006-08-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

8 3 2006

51 days old today. He's still at 2 lbs. 2-3 oz. He didn't eat for a couple days while his stomach was off; they were keeping a close watch for any infection. Dr. Bonner says they've started him on some caffeine. No, really.

Saturday night, it stormed and the power went out. Pitch darkness in the NICU; nurses all jumped for their patients; Meg kicked a chair halfway across the room; ventilator alarms all went off at once; it was a very long 9 seconds till emergency power came on. After that, everything went back to normal. Except emergency power means no A/C, so it got hot real quick, and even after the full power came on around 3 am, it stayed uncomfortable till next day.

Today, they will take Jackson off the ventilator.

It may not last. But we'll see. Four weeks, even 2 weeks ago, I wasn't even daring to think in terms of when he might be ready. All that was way off down the road.

But today we may get to hear him cry.

Jackson update

2006-07-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

7 26 06, 3:00 pm

43 days old today. He's at 2 lbs. 2 oz. Dr. Woodall says he's cruising along. Not too much weight gain too fast, he says, to keep fluid out of his lungs.

And he smiled at Dana today.

Jackson update

2006-07-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

7 21 06, 11:00 am

38 days old today. He's at 2 lbs. 1 oz. Wednesday afternoon, I was on my way, trying to catch his bathtime.

They said he'd gained a bit too much too fast, and they'd been adjusting his phenobarb accordingly. But Wednesday evening, he had a seizure. They did CPR for a few minutes. Dr. Woodall:

"he gave us a scare...
we suspected a brain bleed from some signs the past day or 2
the seizure confirmed it
but we've got his meds adjusted now
the weight gain and his phenobarb dosage were the trouble
the new head scan will show us where and what
probably the left side of the brain
the earlier brain bleed left a cyst
it seems to be healing
long-term developmental concerns, those are all far down the road
everything had been going so well
weaning oxygen and slow growth
it was almost kinda boring, which is good"

Latest head scan results sometime today.

Jackson update 6 23 2006: momiji!

2006-06-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

9 days old today. Nurse Kellie:

"getting some blood
this am
ventilator changes as usual
adjust his O2 and amplitude
labs all look great"

Yesterday's big news: he pooped. Cause for celebration.

They turned him after the weighing. He looks sorta uncomfortable. Dana & I both just cannot wait to hold him that way.

Tommy's mother gave me a Father's Day present: a variety of Japanese
maple bonsai tree, a 5-pointed leaf one called momiji. Momiji means
"baby reaching for his father's hands". Wow.

Jackson update

2006-06-20T13:28:00.000-05:00

6 20 06, 1:15 pm

New update from Dr. Barty(?):

"sonogram showed a hemorhage
you know they are graded 1-4
4 being the worst, and it was 4
70-80% of premies this young do have cranial bleeding,
just not grade 4
we are concerned about whether
it's bleeding in ventricles
and brain tissue
so far it's in a small area
this age birth, there's higher degree risk
for developmental delays
higher risk for cerebral palsy etc.
eye and vision development
but his heart seems strong
his lungs look good
gases good
another sonogram in a week unless
there are signs of fluid increase
and/or cranial bleeding
can include spinal flow problems
and hydrocephalus
would require vent. tap to drain the fluid
so, measuring head daily interim"

Upsetting. But not unexpected. "His heart is strong". Amen.

6 20 06, 9:45 am

Nurse Sheila says:

"weaned O2 at 54% right now
resting
pretty stable
doctor will be around later this morning
cranial ultrasound yesterday, results not in yet
he had a good rest last night"

More good wishes from all over: Jackson has supporter(s) in Japan now -- he's worldwide!

-----

For those joining us late, here's the background.

Dana was pregnant in mid-January. Late January, she had a miscarriage. They didn't do a full DNC. So they missed the other fetus still there.

Feb., March, April, she had what she thought were odd, irregular, heavy periods. But felt something was still not right. In March she even said, "It's like my body thinks I'm still pregnant, or having another miscarriage..."

In May she did a ton of running around for the kids end-of-year parties and graduations and such. And wondered why she was so worn out. Memorial Day weekend, she said it felt like a heavy one was coming. Sat. night, we ran to the ER. She was nearly passing out from blood loss.

Nurse said, how many weeks are you? But I'm not pregnant.

Ultrasound showed the heartbeat.

21 weeks along. They missed the baby. It was attached up against the cervix, which explained the semi-regular bleeding and blood clots. Placenta previa. After 3-4 days at Baptist, they sent Dana home. Bed-rest. The hope was that the fluid level around the baby would improve, and it would move up to a better place. But they figured it wouldn't make it to term, but would need to be taken early.

The next couple weeks were a blur of runs to the Labor & Delivery unit; antibiotics and other pharmacy trips; and a night here, a night there, in the hospital. We learned all the L&D nurses by 1st names.

Tuesday, June 13th. Dana's been feeling feverish since last night. We head to the hospital yet again. 103.5 fever. They give her something to cool it down. It works for awhile, then fever's back up. First thing next morning they do a partial hysterectomy and C-section.

It's a boy. 23 1/2 weeks.

Jackson was Dana's dad's middle name; it's her brother and his son's middle name; it was handed down from Mr. Henry Jackson Chandler, too. So the first name was easy.

They knew right away he needed transport to Baptist South, Neonatal ICU has a ventilator for just such cases.

I got to stroke his head a few minutes. His eyes were covered from the light. He was very red, nearly translucent. It was like you could see his heart through his chest, if you stared for very long. His hand was too small to wrap around my pinkie finger. There were tubes and wires all over him.

His bp went up as I rubbed his hair. The nurse said, "Oh, he likes that, look..." and after a few minutes they said to just let him rest now. "We don't want him to move too much. We won't weigh him again for a week or more, 'cause his head needs to be kept still, too."

1 lb, 4 oz. 11 1/2 inches long. They brought his keepsake teddy bear -- the one they write all the info on, and put footprints on the back of -- "It's as big as him...!" I tried to say. I'd been pretty much holding together until then.

I thought about this story again, the one about Everett Joseph Smith. Read it when you have time.

The first 24-48 hours are critical, they tell me. Things to watch for -- cranial bleeding, infection, lungs, central nervous system. Just say "everything" and let it go at that.

But I went back to Dana. They said we could see him again for a minute when they were about to transport. They brought him to her room; she could raise up a bit, enough to see him. Thirty seconds, maybe. Then they were gone.

She didn't see him again, except in pictures, until he was 5 days old.

So, this is day 6. He's stable. Resting. Growing. Stretching. Cardiologist said stop the daily heart scans; he's strong. Head scan results for this week should be in most anytime now. If there was bleeding, it would show in other vitals. He's still day-to-day and week-to-week.

Critical but stable. We'll take it.

Thanks to each and every one of you who have emailed, called, written, prayed, cooked, sent White Light, or anything else our way.

Good morning, Jackson.

2006-06-15T08:38:00.000-05:00

Born 7:53 am, June 14th. 1 lb. 4 oz. 11 1/2 inches long. 23 1/2 weeks.

He's the size of the teddy bear they bring you, with the footprints and date/weight info on it. His head is the size of a tangerine.

Dana's okay and recovering, but still hurting.

Thanks to everyone for prayers and kind words and thoughts.

Hola, Alberto!

2006-06-12T13:55:00.000-05:00

And so it begins, for 2006. For some largely-forgotten people, 2005 still isn't over: Gone to Mississippi by Ben Greenberg.

Smalltown News (June 2006)

2006-06-12T12:22:00.000-05:00

Tommy & Harrison in summer Y program
"We learn lifeguard stuff, like how to pick up girls. I can only lift some girls, though..."

Chandler, 4, has new pink sandals
Eagerly awaits next shopping trip with Auntie

Dana still on bed-rest, has 'cabin-fever'
'Mad enough to bite the head and tail off a snake and use him for a straw'

Jeff's book corner: Da Vinci Code review
"Wow. Controversial? Where? and wasn't this a TV movie first, with Steven Weber from Wings?"

That sh!t troubles me mightily, pt. 1

2006-06-12T12:19:00.000-05:00

Militia members wielding modern military weapons shout "Praise the Lord!" as they blow infidels away. You are playing a real-time strategy video game whose creators are linked to the empire of mega-church pastor Rick Warren, best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life.

When I paint my masterpiece

2006-06-01T09:50:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of NaNoWriMo, which I missed last November due to a hectic schedule, and inspired by Milton's moving Lenten journal, I was going to write my novel in May.

Instead I wrote the book on hurricane evacuation preparedness throughout the state's 2-year college system. No big deal, just 200 or so pages (created then condensed from 500 in a nearly-round-the-clock May1-June1 marathon) that the Governor is reading today. So if you see Bob Riley on TV talking about June 1st and hurricane season to come, and there's a big state map with evac routes -- it's mine, I did that.

We now return to our semi-regular snarky smart-assery, and our twice-postponed novel.

Before and after, pt. 2

2006-06-01T08:36:00.000-05:00

Feb. 14, 2006:
For 2-syllable words, they sure do carry lotsa weight. They can contain or imply oh-so-much.

Like "pregnant".

A friend told me, once you hold your own child for the 1st time, you'll be changed forever; there'll only be before and after. Got that right.

So, this weekend, while I worked long hours on upgrading VoIP phones (don't ask), Dana miscarried (she's fine, thanks everyone for your concern). But of course she didn't say anything; didn't want me to worry. The woman could have an arrow through her head, and a kidney hangin' out her belly, and would never say "ouch".

Before we could even decide what to do, how to proceed, how to deal, the decision was taken away.

Maybe it was for the best. Move on, and focus on what we have, instead of what we have not. But any relief rides side-by-side with sadness, off into the distance with the wondering about what might-have-been.

And the waves go forward, and the waves roll back. And so on.

March, April 2006:

Dana has semi-regular periods of an odd nature. TMI, I know, but... "It's like my body thinks I'm still having a miscarriage, or still pregnant..."

May 28, 2006:

Saturday night, Dana's feeling bad. Says "not just flowing, FLOODING." Says "emergency room". Kids all asleep, call a neighbor, off we go, high speed, ice pack, fainting, bleeding, and then settled in ER13, "how far along are you?" and then the ultrasound tech is on the way and by midnight we've seen the heart. Beating. And the baby reaching for its toes. Trying to flip over. Ultrasound measures say 21 weeks, "did you have a DNC?" and the doctor says, "I don't see how..." which I guess is to imply they couldn't have missed a 2nd baby in there but obviously someone did or maybe it's just that women been havin' babies for thousands of years before doctors came along and no matter how much science and technology helps us now, there's still some giant mysteries we can only shrug and make faces about.

Breathe.

Later we're in a Labor & Delivery birthing suite the size of an auditorium. Fluids flowing; blood transfused; there may have been some sleeping. Placenta previa, they say, meaning the baby's right up against the cervix, and this is why there's bleeding, and fluid loss around the fetus. With bed rest, it should recover and develop normally. Move up into position and so on.

Later my mother says the same thing happened with me; miscarriage; then 6 weeks later, hey, you're still pregnant! Other people we know tell similar stories.

Now, some will say, here's your sign from God. Fine. How you interpret it is up to you.

We talked before about one or both of us getting fixed. Consider that done. I recall an elderly lady telling Dana once, "God picks these flowers for a reason." Meaning, yes, young lady, you're alone with a 2-year-old and a newborn preemie, but you can handle it.

My concern is that the baby's OK; that Dana's OK; that the rest of the family's OK. That's more than enough to keep us busy for now.

Thanks to everyone for their help, concern, prayers and kind words and thoughts.

Smalltown News (May 2006)

2006-05-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

Tommy now officially 8; rolls high game at bowling party
After 2 years of being 6 3/4, 7, 7 1/4, 7 1/2, etc.

Chandler, 4, excited about taekwondo lessons
Dad purchases cup to block low-flying snap kicks

Harrison scores winning goal in season-ender
Other U6 team featured a 5'6" 180-lb. fullback destined for stardom

Dana sighting update: "Really, I saw her!"
High velocity leaves uncertainty; 'She was probably on the way to yet another birthday party,' witness admits

Jeff's hurricane evacuation preparedness report: Must be collected from colleges, delivered to the Governor, by June 1
"Short version -- 'DRIVE LIKE THE WIND! RUN LIKE YA STOLE SOMETHING! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!'"

Ask your doctor (pt. 3)

2006-04-26T11:30:00.000-05:00

The FDA is sampling too many drugs again; don't they know the dangers of harmful interactions? side effects?

Last week, "medical marijuana has no benefit"; this week -- teen sex cults!

"In the memo released by the FDA during the discovery process, Dr. Curtis Rosebraugh, an agency medical officer, wrote: "As an example, she stated that we could not anticipate, or prevent extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an 'urban legend' status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B."

The jokes just write themselves, don't they? Unfortunately, it's just more fear-mongering, which ain't funny at all, in an effort to control women's choice.

Don't these people have any teenagers themselves? Were they never teenagers themselves? I'm nearly 42, and my inner teen wants to scream out "Sex cult? sign ME UP!"

"Remain calm. AAAAHHHH!"

2006-04-26T08:14:00.000-05:00

Home, around dinner time last night; kids talking all at once, hungry, want to EAT NOW; Dana trying to satisfy them; and me, hurrying to cover up my broken rear windshield before the rain started. NBC news is on, and I overhear bits: "Zarqawi... new tape... why show his face now?"

I laughed out loud, and immediately thought of this.

Why now? For anyone not paying attention, I call your attention to this curious phenomenon.

Why now? Digby's answer.

Why now? Nothing to take your mind off $4.00/gallon gas like the relief that today you weren't killed in a terr'ist attack, huh?

Ask your doctor (pt. 2)

2006-04-21T09:24:00.000-05:00

Why, why would they do such a thing -- come out saying medical marijuana has no benefit? Because the FDA was told to, most likely, which will please some people who have a Puritan vision for America. Eases chronic pain and suffering = E-VIL? That's the PR side.

But hey, I'm a capitalist. I'm guessing there are pharmaceutical companies with advanced research and development teams working on a potential medical-marijuana substitute right now, so let's get profiteerin' y'all!

Fourtwentyil® is safe and effective for the treatment of depression and anxiety. Why? It's the #1 doctor-prescribed brand of its kind. Fourtwentyil® has treated millions of people with more types of depression and anxiety than any brand of its kind. And Fourtwentyil® is available in multiple strengths, so your doctor can decide the right dose for you.

Feeling extra stress? Not finding the humor in life that you used to? You'll be laughin' your ass off at anything and everything when you try prescription Ganjator®!

*Fourtwentyil® and Ganjator® are not for everyone. Side effects cannot be anticipated. If any develop or change in intensity, tell your doctor immediately. Only your doctor can determine whether it is safe to continue usage.

More common side effects may include:
Allergy, daytime or night time drowsiness, dizziness, drugged feeling, headache, indigestion, nausea

Less common side effects may include:
Abdominal pain
abnormal dreams
abnormal vision
agitation
amnesia
anxiety
bronchitis
burning sensation
confusion
coughing
daytime sleeping
decreased mental alertness
difficulty breathing
difficulty concentrating
difficulty swallowing
diminished sensitivity to touch
increased sensitivity to touch
dizziness on standing
double vision
dry mouth
emotional instability
exaggerated feeling of well-being
eye irritation
falling
flu-like symptoms
gas
general discomfort
hallucination
high blood pressure
high blood sugar
increased sweating
itching
joint pain
lack of bladder control
lack of coordination
lethargy
light-headedness
loss of appetite
gain (I mean whoa dude! GAIN) of appetite!
nervousness
numbness
paleness
ringing in the ears
sinus inflammation
speech difficulties
unconsciousness
upper respiratory infection
urinary tract infection
vertigo, vomiting, weakness

Or you can, like, break the law and do illegal marijuana, and be a criminal even if it helps you deal with chronic pain from serious life-threatening illness. Be the best outlaw you can be, hombre. And if you're not up-to-date on the current lingo, go here for a primer.

Simon & Garfunkel! Take it away!

2006-04-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

Every man hears what he wants to hear:

Cullman residents protest illegal immigration

In response to recent waves of demonstrations by Hispanic immigrants, several hundred people gathered Saturday in Cullman to protest illegal immigration.

"The taxpayers are having to support them," said Horace Ward of Cullman. Ward stood along the street in front of the Cullman County Courthouse, holding a sign that said, "Illegals cost taxpayers billions of dollars a year." Cars honked as they passed the rally.

"I think we need to shut the borders," Ward said. "For all the money we're spending in Iraq, we could build a fence."

Cullman Police Chief Kenny Culpepper and Cullman County Sheriff Tyler Roden observed the rally and estimated the crowd at 300 to 400. Demonstrators waved U.S. flags and held up signs with slogans such as, "Secure our borders," and "Remember 9/11."

"I expected a lot more people," said June Lawrimore of Falkville, who said she's concerned about the loss of jobs for U.S. citizens and the burden on taxpayers because of illegal immigrants with no insurance.

She said one of her friends was killed in an accident when he was hit by a car driven by an illegal immigrant with no insurance. Her friend's wife was pregnant. The immigrant was fined only $75, she said.

Lawrimore said she's planning a follow-up rally in Decatur.

"My husband's a construction worker and he's in competition with illegal immigrants," she said. "They don't want to pay his $20 an hour when they can pay $6."

And disregards the rest:

Tracy Dennis of Hayden said she does construction site cleanup and just lost a contract to three illegal immigrants who underbid her on a job. "They break the law every day and nothing happens to them," she said. "I think they need to go home."

Cullman police thwarted a small attempt at a counter-protest.

Omar Rivera Santos, a 21-year-old Mexican who has been living in the United States about seven years, drove a pickup truck past the rally, with his common-law American wife and two teens waving Mexican flags from the bed of the truck.

Cullman police pulled him over, gave a lecture about the safety of children riding in the back of a truck with no safety restraints, and ticketed him for not having car insurance or an Alabama drivers license.

His wife, Rebecca Farr, said Rivera works for a Goldenrod chicken-processing plant as a chicken catcher. "We're trying to get him legal," she said. "Since 9/11, it's almost impossible."

She said protesters were misleading people when they say immigrants don't pay taxes. She pulled out her husband's check stub to prove income taxes and Social Security taxes had been deducted.

She noted her husband also pays sales taxes, and said he deserves respect for working hard to support her, their 4-year-old daughter, and two children she has from a previous relationship.

"It's just a matter of respecting your fellow humans," Farr said.

Hispanic rallies calling for federal efforts to legalize the estimated 11 million illegal immigrants in the United States drew 3,000 protesters in downtown Birmingham on April 9 and 5,000 in Albertville the following day, and hundreds of thousands in larger cities such as Los Angeles and Dallas.

Now, this is how you play Connect the Dots!

2006-04-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

It's out of the news spin-cycle now, but SSquirrel did some digging worthy of his nickname regarding the Duke-lacrosse team and their "college hijinks" story.

"V-I-C-T-9/11-O-R-Y!" (pt. 3)

2006-04-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

"DONNIE, DONNIE, HE'S OUR MAN!
HE'S GOT A PLAN TO NUKE I-RAN!
LEMME HEAR YA SAY:
BOOOOOOOOOM! LIBERATED!
BOOOOOOOOOM! LIBERATED!
BOOOOOOOOOM! RE-ELECTED...! um.
BOMB-BOMB-BOMB, BOMB-BOMB-IRAN -- ever'body!
BOMB-BOMB-BOMB, BOMB-BOMB-IRAN...!"

Rumsfeld 'doing a fine job'

Washington - US President George W Bush has full confidence in embattled secretary of defence Donald Rumsfeld despite calls from several retired generals for his resignation, the White House said on Thursday.

"Yes, the president believes secretary Rumsfeld is doing a very fine job during a challenging period in our nation's history," said White House spokesperson Scott McClellan when asked if Bush still had confidence in the defence secretary.

On Wednesday a fourth retired general called for Rumsfeld's resignation, the latest demand from senior military figures for new leadership and fresh thinking on Iraq.

Rumsfeld has led the Pentagon "during two wars, wars that resulted in the liberation" of millions of people in Afghanistan and Iraq, McClellan said.

"The secretary has also overseen the transformation of the military so that we are better prepared to confront the threats that we face in the 21st century," he said.

"GO! FIGHT! WIN!"

Mobile bio-weapons labs in Iraq?

2006-04-13T10:15:00.000-05:00

Here's what I think:

Fear and loathing in Jesusland

2006-04-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

Here's yet another for the You'd Have to Live Here to Understand File:

Sweep rumor feeds on immigrant fear

While thousands nationwide took to the streets, some illegal immigrants in the tri-county area went into hiding because they feared being deported.

Rumors of an immigration raid Saturday and Sunday led to adults not going to their jobs and kids skipping playtime. Families opted out of church and put off grocery shopping.

"People were really concerned, and that did contribute to create a climate of fear," said the Rev. Mario Aman, director of Hispanic Ministries at Frazer Memorial United Methodist Church in Montgomery. "People did not go to work. People were shy of going to Wal-Mart and places like that, even Sunday services."

(snip)

An immigration raid early last week is what touched off the rumors about a sweep over the weekend, said those who work closely with the local Hispanic community.

"These arrests are making law-abiding people with no documentation very nervous thinking they are going to be rooted out of their homes," said Pamela Long, who ministers to Hispanics at Christ the Redeemer Episcopal Church.

Immigrants always are dealing with the fear of being arrested, particularly while driving, said Mary Bauer, who heads the Immigrant Justice Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center.

"Immigrants really feel like they will be targeted because of their ethnicity, and that's borne out by the number of people we talk to who get stopped for no apparent reason other than being brown," Bauer said.

Montgomery attorney Boyd Campbell also heard about the immigration raid April 3 and 4.

"It happens about once a year," he said. "Last week it was not big by immigration sweep standards. Montgomery is a small city, and Alabama has a very tiny Hispanic population.

Memo to the Chamber of Commerce -- forget the "Imagine A Greater Montgomery" slogan. "Montgomery, Alabama: Remember Your Place" would at least be more accurate. Meanwhile, in N. Alabama:

5,000 march in Albertville

ALBERTVILLE - Several thousand chanting Hispanic immigrants streamed through the streets of Albertville on Monday, joining a national protest against legislation that would block citizenship for people like them.

"Illegal aliens are not criminals" and "God bless America," protesters chanted at the city's Neighborhood Recreation Center on West McKinney Avenue. The immigrants met at the park after a three-mile march through downtown.

Some carried American flags and signs including "Sweet Home Alabama" and "We Pay Taxes Too."

Albertville police officers, who watched the demonstration and directed traffic, put the crowd at 5,000, said police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith.

"We were on pins and needles going into it," Smith said. "But it went really, really well."

Some residents encouraged the marchers with thumbs up gestures - others weren't so supportive.

"Speak English so I can understand you," Margie Williams repeatedly told marchers as they filed past her house chanting "Si se puede!"

Marchers began saying that slogan in English - "Yes we can" - in response to Williams.

Donald Justice, who has lived in Albertville for 62 years, leaned against a lamp post with a sign that read "All You Mexican (sic) Go Home to Mexico."

"They are draining our welfare system," Justice said.

[ insert photo of Mr. Justice, or possibly not, here ]

Jose Contreras, 35, of Albertville, one of the event's organizers, said about half of those at the rally were illegal immigrants who are hard-working people trying only to feed and raise their families.

"They take whatever jobs are offered to them," he said. "They're getting the jobs nobody wants."

Contreras moved from the Dominican Republic in 1990. He owns and operates Tienda El Sol Mexican grocery on Alabama 205 in Albertville.

Contreras said most of those at the rally work in local poultry plants. Because many of them are here illegally, he said, employers can make them work harder than non-immigrant workers.

Illegal immigrants will work twice as hard because they do not want to be deported, he said. "They have no choice."

Another organizer, Joe Castillo, 57, of Attalla, who works as a counselor at the Career Center in Albertville, said the protesters want lawmakers to know they "are not criminals."

"They may be illegal, but they still pay taxes," he said. "They're contributing a lot to the economy."

the Undisputed Truth Channel®

2006-04-06T15:15:00.000-05:00

TV screen, black background; 1970s soul music, then vocal: "Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend, Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within..."

"Today, on the Undisputed Truth Channel -- Rev. Richard Scrushy presents 'Viewpoint', our topic: 'Conspiracy Theory: Why They're All Out to Get Me', with special guest -- gubernatorial candidate Roy Moore! Get your truth on!"

Scrushy airing his talk show in Montgomery

MONTGOMERY - HealthSouth founder Richard Scrushy has begun airing his talk show "Viewpoint" in Montgomery, the city where Scrushy's bribery trial will begin in May.

"Viewpoint" is a religious-themed show hosted by Scrushy and his wife, Leslie. The show has been airing in Montgomery "maybe a few weeks," he said.

"It's a great ministry. There's a calling, I believe, to do this," Scrushy said Wednesday. Talk show guests have included African bishops and a former Muslim who converted to Christianity, he said.

Scrushy said the decision to broadcast the show in Montgomery is unrelated to the criminal case pending against him in Montgomery. It's part of a strategy to ultimately make "Viewpoint" a national talk show.

"That has nothing to do with any trial," Scrushy said.

That sounds like the very definition of... something, doesn't it?

Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R)

This is a clinical rating scale with 20 items. Each of the items in the PCL-R is scored on a three-point (0, 1, 2) scale according to specific criteria through file information and a semi-structured interview. The items are as follows:

Factor 1: Aggressive narcissism

* Glibness/superficial charm
* Grandiose sense of self-worth
* Pathological lying
* Conning/manipulative
* Lack of remorse or guilt
* Shallow affect
* Callous/lack of empathy
* Failure to accept responsibility for own actions

"And we'll be right back! after this from our sponsor...!"

Smalltown news

2006-04-05T08:50:00.000-05:00

Grandma home from rehab; Aunt Janet home, recovering
(All kidding aside, thanks to everyone for their prayers and good wishes.)
Everyone looking forward to Easter and the Legendary Congealed Salad (family in-joke)

Dana on the time-change: "[censored for extreme vulgarity]!"
Jeff had no comment, unless "zzzzzzzzz" counts

Chandler, 4, seen romping on playground with 4th grade boy
Says "he's my boy-toy"
Related story: Jeff's bulk purchase of stomach and headache meds prompts concerns

Harrison and Tommy do freestyle rap at Low Country Boil school fundraiser
"Idon'tliketoSING, Idon'tliketoDANCE; Ijustcan'tstandthatpoopinmyPANTS!"

Mom pumped about Florida visit to Jason's
Jason's family declined to comment

Dad setting varmint ambush
Railroad tie garden border chewed to pieces overnight; suspects "saddle-size armadillo"

"V-I-C-T-9/11-O-R-Y!" (pt. 2)

2006-03-22T09:48:00.000-06:00

"I'd say I'm spending that capital on the war," Bush said.

"C-A-P-I-T-A-L!
WATCH ME SPEND THAT CAP-I-TAL!
KEEP THEM DOL-LARS ROLL-ING IN!
WE'RE GONNA STAY UNTIL WE ... um.
V-I-E-T-N-- no wait! V-I-C-T-9/11-O-R-Y!"

Got my duct tape, plastic sheeting, powdered milk (make your own Yoohoo with it -- it's great!) and can of tuna. I feel all safe and secure now.

Letterman last night: "President Bush held a press conference this morning, how many of you saw it? (weak scattered applause) Yeah, sounds about right... He said our troops would stay in Iraq till at least 2008. He said we'll disarm Iraq, we're gonna disarm Iran, we might even disarm Dick Cheney!"

Every administration hears what it wants to hear, and disregards the rest: Iraqi diplomat gave U.S. prewar WMD details. "Saddam’s foreign minister told CIA the truth, so why didn’t agency listen?"

"But 9/11 changed every--" hold on, you've set off my propaganda/bullshit-detector. Vietnam changed everything.

I was only 4 in 1968. But I've learned enough history to know how big it was when LBJ announced he would not seek re-election, basically leaving Vietnam for others to deal with.

Here's a few events from what's been called an "intensely-turbulent time" in U.S. and world history:

January 5 - Alexander Dubcek elected as the leader of the Czechoslovakian Communist Party - the "Prague Spring" begins.
January 23 - North Korea seizes the USS Pueblo, claiming the ship violated its territorial waters while spying.
January 30 - The Tet Offensive begins, as Viet Cong forces launch a series of surprise attacks across South Vietnam.
January 31 - Viet Cong soldiers attack the US embassy in Saigon.

February 1 - A Viet Cong officer is executed by Nguyen Ngoc Loan a South Vietnamese National Police Chief. The execution was videotaped and photographed and helped sway public opinion against the war.
February 8 - A civil rights protest staged at a white-only bowling alley in Orangeburg, SC is broken up by highway patrolmen leading to the deaths of three college students.
February 16 - In Haleyville, Alabama the first 9-1-1 emergency telephone system goes into service.
February 24 - The Tet Offensive is halted - South Vietnam recaptures Hué.

March 7 - The First Battle of Saigon begins.
March 16 - My Lai massacre: American troops kill scores of women and children.
March 17 - A demonstration in London's Grosvenor Square against US involvement in the Vietnam War leads to violence - 91 police injured, 200 demonstrators arrested.
March 31 - President Lyndon Johnson announces he will not seek re-election.

As more and more American soldiers and civilians were killed in Vietnam, Johnson's popularity declined, particularly in the face of student protests. During these protests, students would often burn their draft cards and chant the line, "Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids will you kill today?" In what was termed an October surprise, Johnson announced to the nation on March 31, 1968 that he ordered a complete cessation of "all air, naval, and artillery bombardment of North Vietnam" effective November 1 citing progress with the Paris peace talks. And at the end of his speech he shocked the country by telling them he would not run for re-election...

April 4 - Martin Luther King, Jr. assassinated.
April 20 - English politician Enoch Powell makes controversial Rivers of Blood Speech about immigration: "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see ‘the River Tiber foaming with much blood’."
April 23-April 30 - Student protesters at Columbia University in NYC take over administration buildings and shut down the university.

May - "May of 68" is a symbol of the resistance of that generation. Agitations and strikes in Paris leads many young to believe that a revolution is starting. Student and worker strikes sometimes referred to as the French May nearly bring down the French government.
May 1 - Professor Giorgios Rosas declares independence of his platform nation Isle of the Roses off Rimini, Italy. Italian troops demolish it two months later.

June 3 - Valerie Solanas shoots Andy Warhol as he enters his studio, wounding him.
June 5 - U.S. presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy is shot at the Ambassador Hotel in LA by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy died from his injuries the next day.
June 8 - James Earl Ray is arrested for the murder of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
June 29 - Pope Paul VI announces an encyclical entitled "Humanae Vitae", condemning birth control.

July 1 - The CIA's Phoenix Program is officially established.

The Phoenix Program was an "assassination campaign" and has received much criticism as an example of human rights atrocities committed by the CIA and the organizations it supports. Indeed, faulty intelligence often led to the murder of innocent civilians, in contravention to the Geneva Conventions... However, fewer than 10% of the casualties attributed to Phoenix operations were actually targeted by program operatives, with most of the remaining casualties being assigned VCI status after they were killed.

July 17 - Saddam Hussein becomes the Vice Chairman of the Revolutionary Council in Iraq after a coup d'état.
July 23-July 28 - African American militants led by Fred (Ahmed) Evans engage in a fierce gunfight with police in the Glenville Shootout of Cleveland, OH.
July 26 - South Vietnamese opposition leader Truong Dinh Dzu is sentenced to five years hard labor for advocating the formation of a coalition government as a way to move toward an end to the war.

August 20 - 200,000 Warsaw Pact troops and 5,000 tanks invade Czechoslovakia to end the "Prague Spring" of political liberalization.
August 22-August 30 - Police clash with antiwar protesters in Chicago outside the 1968 Democratic National Convention.

October 11 - NASA launches Apollo 7, the first manned Apollo mission, with astronauts Wally Schirra, Donn Eisele and Walter Cunningham aboard.
October 14 - The Department of Defense announces that the Army and Marines will be sending about 24,000 troops back to Vietnam for involuntary second tours.
October 16 - Tommie Smith and John Carlos raise their arms in a black power salute after winning the gold and bronze medals for first and third place.
October 31 - Citing progress with the Paris peace talks, President Johnson announces to the nation that he has ordered a complete cessation of "all air, naval, and artillery bombardment of North Vietnam" effective November 1.

November 5 - U.S. presidential election, 1968: In one of the closest elections in US history, Republican challenger Richard M. Nixon defeats VP Hubert Humphrey and American Independent Party candidate George Wallace.
November 11 - Operation Commando Hunt initiated to interdict men and supplies on the Ho Chi Minh Trail, through Laos into South Vietnam. By the end of the operation, 3 million tons of bombs are dropped on Laos, slowing but not seriously disrupting trail operations.
November 26 - USAF 1st Lt. and Bell UH-1F helicopter pilot James Fleming rescues an Army Special Forces unit pinned down by Viet Cong fire, earning a Medal of Honor for his bravery.

December 24 - US spacecraft Apollo 8 enters orbit around the moon. Astronauts Frank Borman, Jim Lovell and William Anders become the first humans to see the far side of the moon and planet earth as a whole.

We can play Compare & Contrast between Iraq and Vietnam 'til the troops come home. Bottom line: when you're in a hole, stop digging. In the meantime, stop pissin' down my back and tellin' me it's raining. See how easy that is?

What we're getting now is truly a tale told by an idiot, full of soundbites and self-righteous fury, signifying... whatever.

"I'm optimistic we'll succeed. If not, I'd pull our troops out."

Pressed on whether that meant a complete withdrawal would not happen during his presidency, Bush said, "I can only tell you that I will make decisions on force levels based upon what the commanders on the ground say."

White House officials worried Bush's remarks would be read as saying there would not be significant troop reductions during his presidency. They pointed to comments Sunday by Gen. George W. Casey, commander of U.S. forces in Iraq, who said he expected a substantial troop reduction "certainly over the course of 2006 and into 2007."

"GO! FIGHT! WIN!"

The poetry of dogs

2006-03-21T13:57:00.000-06:00

canine haiku

Honey is in heat.
Tramp howls his fiery passion --
"Put a sock in it!"

Sleep is sweet, I love
Waking up to go ramble
Home to nap again.

Don't you breathe on me.
I SAW what you just licked.
Okay, just one kiss...

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds -- I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paper boy - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot -
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man - come to kill us all -
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I hate my choke chain -
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack!
Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence - why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's There.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

My owners' mood is
Romantic - I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

Everybody stay the hell outta Alabama, pt. 5

2006-03-20T13:43:00.000-06:00

Jefferson County judge ordering Hispanics to leave state

Thanks to Mac at War Liberal.

You can quote me

2006-03-20T13:37:00.000-06:00

"This should not be political. When I go by the graveyard over there at Arlington, it doesn't say Democrat or Republican, it says American."
-- John Murtha

"If this is not civil war, then God knows what civil war is."
-- Ayad Allawi

"We are implementing a strategy that will lead to victory in Iraq. And a victory in Iraq will make this country more secure and will help lay the foundation of peace for generations to come."
-- G. Bush

"Take my child, and then send me a flag folded up in a triangle?!? You better believe I'd be stickin' that flag up inside o' somebody!"
-- Wanda*, hair stylist, grandmother, with 2 sons now safely home from Iraq and out of service

*not her real name

Everybody stay the hell outta Alabama, pt. 3-4

2006-03-14T08:57:00.000-06:00

Alabama Cow Tests Positive for Mad Cow

TOLD YA SO! Well, I figured it was in the water, but still!

Alabama close to creating "God Bless America" license plate

Way ahead of you, guys; did it back in November:

Read it and weep.

2006-03-13T12:42:00.000-06:00

Lifted whole from Truthout:

Forwarded from Marni Harmony, the minister of a church in Orlando. Joe is one of her parishioners.

President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. President:

As a young man I was honored to serve our nation as a commissioned officer and helicopter pilot in the US Navy. Before me in WWII, my father defended the country spending two years in the Pacific aboard the USS Hornet (CV-14). We were patriots sworn "to protect and defend". Today I conclude that you have dishonored our service and the Constitution and principles of our oath. My dad was buried with full military honors so I cannot act for him. But for myself, I return enclosed the symbols of my years of service: the shoulder boards of my rank and my Naval Aviator's wings.

Until your administration, I believed it was inconceivable that the United States would ever initiate an aggressive and preemptive war against a country that posed no threat to us. Until your administration, I thought it was impossible for our nation to take hundreds of persons into custody without provable charges of any kind, and to "disappear" them into holes like Gitmo, Abu Ghraib and Bagram. Until your administration, in my wildest legal fantasy I could not imagine a US Attorney General seeking to justify torture or a President first stating his intent to veto an anti-torture law, and then adding a "signing statement" that he intends to ignore such law as he sees fit. I do not want these things done in my name.

As a citizen, a patriot, a parent and grandparent, a lawyer and law teacher I am left with such a feeling of loss and helplessness. I think of myself as a good American and I ask myself what can I do when I see the face of evil? Illegal and immoral war, torture and confinement for life without trial have never been part of our Constitutional tradition. But my vote has become meaningless because I live in a safe district drawn by your political party. My congressman is unresponsive to my concerns because his time is filled with lobbyists' largess. Protests are limited to your "free speech zones", out of sight of the parade. Even speaking openly is to risk being labeled un-American, pro-terrorist or anti-troops. And I am a disciplined pacifist, so any violent act is out of the question.

Nevertheless, to remain silent is to let you think I approve or support your actions. I do not. So, I am saddened to give up my wings and bars. They were hard won and my parents and wife were as proud as I was when I earned them over forty years ago. But I hate the torture and death you have caused more than I value their symbolism. Giving them up makes me cry for my beloved country.

Joseph W. DuRocher

Two Americas -- I live in Upisdownistan, how 'bout you?

2006-03-10T13:43:00.000-06:00

So, it's one o' them e-lection years? That explains why this story won't get no play: Madrid Bombings Show No al-Qaida Ties.

You'd think this could be presented as progress in the War on Terra. Or maybe that's just crazy-talk!

Politicians are throwing each other under the Jesus-Bus, just so they can wave Pro-Life banners to their constituents from the windows. Red white and blue follies are one thing, but this is truly surreal. And not in a good way.

This, of course, is still one of the best ads I've ever seen.

Finally, here's something none of the Enron robber baron scumbags thought of. Don't just polish your appearance -- become a preacher!

Although the Scrush, beg pardon -- the Right Reverend Scrushy -- did check on their court case:

Scrushy Drops in on Enron Trial in Texas

HOUSTON - At least one person in the crowd packing the fraud and conspiracy trial of Enron Corp.‘s former chief executives can see things from their point of view — fired HealthSouth CEO Richard Scrushy.

Scrushy was acquitted last year of criminal charges stemming from a $2.7 billion accounting fraud at the Birmingham, Ala., medical services company. He spent five months in a federal courtroom and listened to five of his former CFOs testify against him.

"I wanted to hear for myself what was going on," Scrushy said. "I wouldn‘t believe anything that man (Fastow) said. This is horrible that there are people who would do something like this to a company."

Clearly, God has now answered Dick's prayers and given him cojones the size of basketballs. Only in Amurka®!

Tagged.

2006-03-09T11:47:00.000-06:00

Four jobs I’ve had:
graphic designer/illustrator
dj (club and radio)
news director (radio)
web developer/geek

Four movies I can watch over and over:
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail
Pulp Fiction
Raising Arizona
American Beauty

Four places I’ve lived:
Anchorage, Alaska
San Antonio, TX
W. Palm Beach, FL
Atlanta, GA

Four TV shows I love:
My Name is Earl
Daily Show
(um...)

Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I haven’t seen:
Lost
Desperate Housewives
The Office
(you get it already)

Four of my favorite dishes:
Thai curries (red, green, don't matter)
greens and cornbread
homemade soup
cochon de lait po'boy

Four of my favorite "dishes":
Dana
Dana's _____ (with sauce, condiment, to be named later)
Dana's _____ and some warming lotion
Dana's _____ and a bottle of red wine

Four sites I visit daily (apart from the roundup of usual suspects):
Pen and Sword
Collective Sigh
Birmingham Blues
Don't Eat Alone

Four Places I’ve Vacationed:
Canada
Mexico
Bahamas
Denver

Four albums (albums? whoa, dude, that's like... so 1979) I can’t live without:
Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon
The Who Tommy
John Coltrane A Love Supreme
Marvin Gaye What's Goin' On?

Four places I’d rather be right now:
Freeway blogging
Outside
In the kitchen
Someplace where the water's warm and the drinks are cold

Four new bloggers I’m tagging:
Andante
Jill
Kathy
Milton

Paging Mr. Dickens

2006-03-08T11:35:00.001-06:00

2 BSC students charged in church fires; UAB student still at large

A third man being sought in a string of Alabama church fires is a UAB student, according to federal sources.

Two Birmingham-Southern College students - Ben Moseley and Russell Debusk - were arrested overnight and brought to the federal courthouse this morning.

The third suspect, UAB student Matthew Lee Cloyd, remains at large.

Cloyd, a junior at the university, transferred to UAB in the fall of 2005 from another Birmingham college, said UAB spokesman Gary Mans.

We'll see what happens next. I can't wait to see what motive, if any, comes out.

All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

Speaking of Birmingham -- memories: yearbook workshop, summer camp edition: generally set on a college campus somewhere. Sales reps routinely tried to pack us into dorms with the kids. No sir, no way. Flying Spaghetti Monster love 'em, those younguns stayed up 3 days and nights, wired on fun, pizza, M & Ms, and high-sugar beverages. No sleep for anyone.

Thanks, but my too-old brain needs a bit of sleep, the better to design kewl yearbook covers all weekend. Cough up the cash and I'll call you from LaQuinta.

Consider this scene: idyllic small college campus (Samford, or Bham Southern?); shade trees; buildings of red brick, white columns, all is shiny and new. Then add in the laziness of summer. And then the stillness is broken by the above-described horde of kids, just being kids.

Then add to the mix: bell-choir camp, going on at the same time.

As if that's not enough, throw in: Clown College Summer Camp.

Charles Dickens couldn't make this shit up.

Feelin' alright

2006-03-07T14:05:00.000-06:00

Here's our team photo (holds up X-ray)

Dana's grandma: just broke her hip and pelvic bone, surgery imminent
Dana's mom: just got well from flu
Dana's aunt: needs back procedure done, re-scheduled from Monday (see
grandma)
Dana: still getting over miscarriage, nearly called ambulance yesterday
Dad: doctors cleared him after stroke; heart good; meds working
Tommy: getting better after fever virus/sinus congestion
Harrison: new allergy meds working well so far
Chandler: toe still purple where gate-wheel got her; drama continues
St. Douglas: explains AS, for those who want to know.

So, what's your ailment? Me? I feel great, I like our chances this season, if we can just get healthy...!

Musically inclined

2006-03-01T10:11:00.000-06:00

iTunes Radio: Boot Liquor -- "American Roots music for saddle-weary drunkards"

the Dieselfitters: "Cold Turkey"

Someone ought to write a book

2006-03-01T09:51:00.000-06:00

Call it something about how all politics is local.

A special election just happened here (our rep. passed away from leukemia); the winning candidate's ads were painfully bad, pandering to every "God-fearin' red-state Republican" stereotype. And it's a long way till November.

Most campaign ads blow, anyway; here it's worse than ever, with everyone trying to out-patriot and out-Jesus everyone else. One candidate ran some funny out-takes ads of his own a few years ago (B.R., before Roy), and they made a notable difference, though he still lost narrowly. And ads like that ain't happened since, either.

Mom: "We've had more political phone calls than I can count, I'm sick of politics and politicians! There were two Roy Moore supporters at the Armory, passing out pamphlets, Daddy told the man he wouldn't vote for Roy on a bet."

Mask beats Payne for House seat

Give Mask credit for this:

Mask said his first order of business in the House will be to vote to raise the threshold at which the state collects income taxes. Currently, the state begins taxing families with an annual income of $4,600.

And I hope the Dem. party sees the lesson here:

Payne said he targeted the most populous areas and it showed in the polls. He said rural communities in Elmore County did not vote his way.

Who wins the voter over, when the voter's in doubt about the differences or just plain unfamiliar with the candidates? In rural mostly-white parts of Alabama, (R) beats (D), if there's no other way to distinguish. Mayor Payne needed to knock on a lot more doors.

And yes, the GOP chairman's name really is Twinkle Cavanaugh.

Everybody just stay the hell out of Alabama, pt. 2

2006-02-27T09:15:00.000-06:00

I'm tellin' ya, there's something in the water lately:

Man of Arab descent shot; suspect held

TUSCALOOSA - A man of Arab descent was in fair condition Friday night after being shot Thursday night by a man who had been yelling racial slurs outside a Middle Eastern takeout restaurant near the University of Alabama campus.

Among those who went to the aid of Nabil Chagri was John Bart Tyra, a Marine Reservist who returned from a tour in Iraq nearly a year ago. Afterward, Tyra said he was sickened by the incident.

"I shed a few tears over it, let's put it that way," said Tyra, a Tuscaloosa resident and a lance corporal in the Bessemer-based 4th Anti-Terrorism Battalion. "It just breaks my heart that that can happen here in the United States."

"Hello, CNN? Fox News? Oh, you're only interested if the victim's white...? C'mon, you can dredge up the whole history of Alabama's racial strife, show that Birmingham firehose video one more time..."

The 12th of Never

2006-02-22T15:28:00.000-06:00

W, 10/6/2004:
"I will never hand over America's security decisions to foreign leaders and international bodies that do not have America's interests at heart."

W, 2/21/2006:
"After careful review by our government, I believe the transaction ought to go forward," Bush said. He added that if the U.S. Congress passed a law to stop the deal, "I'll deal with it with a veto."

$6.8 billion. Don't give me that do-goody-good bullshit, Mr. President.

"Money, it's a gas. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream, Think I'll buy me a football team..."

HSA stories, pt. 1: Carrot and Stick

2006-02-17T12:22:00.000-06:00

I don't begrudge people earning lots of money. Of course I've never liked people born to privilege who are arrogant asses about it.

But it's easier to understand the financial-advisor world, after I found this article recently, targeted to money-manager-types, that's quite illuminating. Informative, if you can stay awake after I use the magic sleep spell word: healthcare.

Firms of all sizes are warming up to the idea of HSA qualified high-deductible health plan.

By Jim Ambrosio

Few things vex small business owners more than providing employees with health insurance. That may be changing, though, because of health savings accounts (HSAs), which are now available with high-deductible health plans. Brokers who include these accounts in their portfolio of products and services have an additional tool that will help keep current clients and aid in wooing new ones.

Brad Rosley, an independent investment advisor and insurance specialist in Glen Ellyn, Ill., has been doing just that. While talking with a wealth-management client who was a partner in a 50-employee temporary employment agency, Rosley recommended that his agency switch to the new high-deductible health care combination. By showing the agency how it would save $10,000 a month on premiums using the new health insurance plan, Rosley is only a signature away from winning a new client - and a steady annual fee from the insurer.

"They are a great tool for getting in the door," says Rosley. Besides, "talking to clients about investing their money, now you can tell them 'here's a way I can save you money.'"

The potential of the HSA in the small-business market as both an investment and insurance vehicle is enormous for banks, brokerages and insurers, as well as for independent advisors like Rosley. More than a third of businesses employing fewer than 100 employees - or 38 percent of all workers - don't offer any health care coverage, according to the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation. But small businesses appear to be ready to listen to a pitch for an affordable plan that will help find and retain employees. According to the Employee Benefits Research Institute 73 percent of small businesses are interested in HSA accounts.

The widespread interest is impressive, given how new the idea is. Created by Congress as part of the Medicare reform package passed in December 2003, states still had until Jan. 1, 2006, to work the plans into their insurance rules and regulations.

Basically, the accounts are pretax funds set aside to deal with medical expenses not covered under the high-deductible plans, which the government defines as plans that charge $1,000 or higher for single coverage and $2,000 or higher for family coverage. The higher the deductible, the more money anyone covered by a plan can put into the savings account annually, up to the deductible or a maximum of $2,700 for an individual and $5,400 for a family this year. Unused funds can be invested in any type of security and earnings accumulate tax-free.

Still, the funds are part of a package that is, first and foremost, insurance, and financial advisors must get a license from their state insurance commissioner to sell the coverage. In most states, the license covers the sale of life, health and disability insurance. In general, getting the license involves completing 50 to 60 hours of class work and passing a state-licensing exam. Once licensed, insurance agents must also take any continuing-education courses required by their state, though many states grant reciprocal licenses to agents licensed in another state.

In any case, earning an insurance license is easier than getting a Series 7, brokers say. Whatever the cost in time and money, the returns may be well worth it to a broker when he puts on his insurance agent hat. A company plan with 60 to 70 participants, for example, might earn an insurance broker a commission of $1,500 a month from the insurer, says Rosley.

Selling insurance provides "a nice stream of income, because the insurance commissions are paid monthly," Rosley notes. "This is something level that you can build on. The premiums pretty much go up every year, so the income goes up every year. I pay all of my base bills from insurance commissions."

Even if a broker has no interest in working as an agent, there is potential income to be earned from having some involvement in the sale of HSA plans.

"If you've developed a strategic relationship with an insurance firm that specializes in the benefit field, you can make money," says Paul Love, vice president of Foster Soltoff & Love, a financial advisory firm in Bethesda, Md. Love says he's more than happy to share commissions with advisors that want to forge an alliance, as long as the broker is licensed and, if not independent, has the approval of an employer to take a cut.

If an advisor meets those requirements, Love's advice is simple: "Don't leave all of that on the table. Fifty percent of something is better than 100 percent of nothing. If a rep is handling a client's investments, and can work with an insurance agent, he can bring in somebody like me."

With the plan in place, the advisor has the inside track on adding the account holders as future clients, should their health care account holdings grow to exceed their immediate needs for medical expenses.

However, from an investment management standpoint, HSAs are so new and small there is not a lot to do with them. If an account holder gets sick or has an accident, he will need the money fast, and there would be no better place for it than a simple cash account. Still, there are signs that the accounts as investments-in-waiting are off to a good start.

Banks, both big and small, are getting in on the savings account act. Just a few years ago, the Howard's Grove Savings Bank in Sheboygan, Wis., was a quiet little community bank. Now, it's one of the largest custodial players in the HSA field.

The bank went from 120,000 accounts at the end of 2004 to more than 250,000 this year. "Our business is booming," says Mike Glatkowski, the bank's vice president of national sales.

Mellon Financial, U.S. Bank, Wells Fargo and, most recently, Charles Schwab's trust division are among the big firms handling HSA funds.

"More and more financial advisors are calling us," Glatkowski says. He also says that HSAs "don't fit in with the wirehouses just yet because the balances are so small. Most of the big wirehouses have at least called us, and we're trying to educate ourselves on how the arrangements with a broker dealer might work. For the advisor, an HSA company like us has to work with the clearing firm in a way that the bank remains the custodian."

Mark Ferris, a certified financial planner in Old Saybrook, Conn., who has a health and life insurance license, says that while the accounts "are not my specialty in deriving income," he does advise clients on whether HSAs make sense.

"It's a service to the client," Ferris says. "There are some things you ought to do just to strengthen the relationship. If a client asks you to open an HSA, of course you should. If you can do the H SA, the investment side of it, as a courtesy to clients, why not?"

Rosley agrees with Ferris: "If you have a good relationship with clients, there's a good chance they will switch the business over to you. Because health insurance is a commodity, the relationship is where the value is."

Down the road, as the accounts get bigger, there may even be real investment business to be found. The law permits money placed in an HSA to be invested in stocks, bonds or mutual funds. Any investment permitted for IRAs is allowed for the HSAs. That potential is expected to attract the wirehouses and large fund providers, which will begin eyeing the accounts as if they were IRAs. (Money in HSAs can be rolled over into other HSAs, but not into other tax-deferred savings vehicles).

Advisors like Love and Rosley are looking to tap into that market. As Love says, "from a financial-planning standpoint, HSAs are a very useful tool, because it gives us a way to say to a business owner and his employees: 'Let's look at your future medical costs.' HSAs are a great way for a small firm to set up a basic medical plan. Are the accounts a gold mine? No. But they are a way of capturing capital."

Still awake? Good. Phrases that stand out -- "capturing capital" "vex" "premiums pretty much go up every year, so the income goes up every year". These are all lovely Ivory-Tower People phrases.

Insurance industry to corporate bosses: "Sell this product, and we'll all save money/make money!"

Bosses to money managers: "Sell this product! LOOK how much you can earn!"

Money managers to clients: "LOOK how much you can SAVE!"

People with common sense and/or people who live in the reality-based world of today: "Just give me a decent job with decent pay, so I can hope to feed and house my family, and I'll bust my hump to save all I can, and keep everybody healthy, just in case disaster strikes... I got yer 'high deductible plan' right here pal! HSA? H is for horse and S is for...!"

Yeah, I'm pretty sure WalMart's employees don't worry about their healthcare situation and say, "I'm terribly, terribly vexed."

Safety first!*

2006-02-17T12:16:00.000-06:00

W, 2001: "We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them."

W, 2006: "We will make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them, *unless they happen to be United Arab Emirates Royal Family members with untold billions they're willing to share, with us, not with the haves, not with the have-mores, but with the have-it-all-but-still-want-MORES! Then, I say, bring on them distinctions! WOOOOHOOOOO!! I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!"

Many thanks to georgia10 at dailykos.

Bush Administration Sells Port Security To Highest Foreign Bidder

Unanimous, final decision, already made, no appeals, they say. "They did not conduct background checks on senior managers of the company, nor did they ask how the company screens its own employees. You know, just in case a terrorist wants to infiltrate the company that now has unprecedented and unfettered access to our ports."

Yep, if only there was an opposition party with backbone, a party willing to shout the above headline more-or-less unceasingly till November '06...

Sign me up for empowerment!

2006-02-16T07:56:00.000-06:00

Rice asks for $75 mln to install democracy in Iran

WASHINGTON, Feb. 15 (Xinhuanet) -- U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Wednesday asked Congress for another 75 million U.S. dollars this year for American efforts to install the so-called democracy in Iran.

The money, requested as supplemental funding for the 2006 fiscal year, on top of the 60 million dollars already appropriated, are expected to be used for radio and satellite television broadcasting and for programs to help Iranians study abroad, State Department officials said.

(snip)

The top U.S. diplomat said that Washington has invested more than 4 million dollars in projects over the past two years aiming at empowering Iranian citizens in their call for political and economic freedoms.

The United States has no diplomatic ties with Iran since the 1979 storming of the U.S. Embassy in Iran and maintains broad economic sanctions against the Islamic republic.

BREAKING NEWS:
Jones asks for $50 million to install working democracy at home

MONTGOMERY, Feb. 16 (Jesuslandnet) -- Head of the household Jeff will request emergency funding today, asking Congress for another 50 million U.S. dollars this year for efforts to install so-called "democracy at home".

The money, requested as supplemental funding for the 2006 fiscal year, is expected to be used for radio and satellite television broadcasting and for programs to help end 4-year-old Chandler's dreams of tyrannical monarchy.

Jones said that the family has invested "untold millions... well, hundreds, anyway" of dollars in projects over the past two years aiming at empowering the rest of the family unit in their call for political and economic freedoms.

Chandler issued an official statement just this morning, "I want a puppy NOW".

"Dr. Rice, where do I line up to get my debit card? or do you just hand it out in bricks of $100 bills? Sign me up for empowerment!"

Everybody stay the hell out of Alabama!

2006-02-14T14:46:00.000-06:00

Don't know what's gotten into everybody lately, but the snake-mean-ness is just outta hand:

Cat, dogs, cows, pigs shot with arrows in Bibb and Shelby.

Whatever you may think of hunting and hunters, I still maintain that there are those who, if they couldn't hunt small 4-legged animals, would just hunt large 2-legged ones.

Tragically prescient cartoons!

2006-02-14T14:25:00.000-06:00

Race whirled and fired at the unseen-evil: "Take that, you sneaky bastards! Dr. Quest! I mean, George! Karl! I need ammo, dammit!"

Before and after.

2006-02-14T13:19:00.000-06:00

For 2-syllable words, they sure do carry lotsa weight. They can contain or imply oh-so-much.

Like "pregnant".

A friend told me, once you hold your own child for the 1st time, you'll be changed forever; there'll only be before and after. Got that right.

So, this weekend, while I worked long hours on upgrading VoIP phones (don't ask), Dana miscarried (she's fine, thanks everyone for your concern). But of course she didn't say anything; didn't want me to worry. The woman could have an arrow through her head, and a kidney hangin' out her belly, and would never say "ouch".

Before we could even decide what to do, how to proceed, how to deal, the decision was taken away.

Maybe it was for the best. Move on, and focus on what we have, instead of what we have not. But any relief rides side-by-side with sadness, off into the distance with the wondering about what might-have-been.

And the waves go forward, and the waves roll back. And so on.

Ashes to ashes

2006-02-14T13:18:00.000-06:00

No real news on the Alabama church fires, but here's my updated map.

I still hold with most of my original profiling.

Rehobeth Baptist asked, so here's a link, if you'd like to know more or help out.

After this last one, I still say they're based somewhere around Tuscaloosa/Northport. Could be students from UA, or just someone with some kinda beef against organized religion, and the Baptists are just the most numerous. But my gut feeling is it's older guys who just started for the hell of it, felt like burning something, and thought churches would make the most ruckus. Probably no deeper message than that -- "Looka-that! WOOHOO! Burn baby burn! THAT'LL make the front page tomorrow, hee hee...! Drive, boy, drive!"

Truly offensive cartoons

2006-02-09T14:25:00.000-06:00

Bush details Qaeda plot to hit LA! "Race! I mean, Dick! Karl! to the hovercraft!"

Puzzle Time: Spot the Hidden News Story of the Day!

2006-02-08T12:04:00.000-06:00

Britney Spears driving with baby on her lap Politics and grief at King funeral Eating Lean Doesn't Cut Risk Afghan police kill three in cartoon protests with no fanfare whatsoever, Bush stuck a big Social Security privatization plan in the federal budget proposal, which he sent to Congress on Monday Wal-Mart planning almost 50 percent more U.S. stores 'Curious George’ editor found dead Jail for 'Girls Gone Wild' attacker Mexican military incursions into U.S. inflame border situation N.J. commuters screened for bombs Poll: More Americans fear Iran

"WOOHOO! Can't trick me -- that sneaky Mexican military, I knew it!"

On fire for Jesus!

2006-02-07T15:41:00.000-06:00

Somebody sure is. Fires burn 4 more Alabama churches.

Round 2:
Dancy First Baptist Church near Aliceville
Spring Valley Baptist Church near Emelle
Morning Star Missionary Baptist Church near Boligee
Galilee Baptist in Panola

Round 1, last week:
Ashby Baptist Church in Brierfield
Rehobeth Baptist Church in Randolph
Pleasant Sabine near Centreville
Old Union Baptist in Brierfield
Antioch Baptist in Antioch
New Harmony Holiness Baptist in Fairview (under construction)

The fires were set "as fast as they could drive from one location to the next," Bibb County Chief Deputy Sheriff Kenneth Weems said of the cluster of blazes.

Studying the Alabama road map closer, looks as if anyone with much knowledge of W. Alabama roads could've done this in roughly an hour, each time. Could've come from Tuscaloosa, possibly Birmingham, the first time; the second time maybe Tuscaloosa, Columbus or Meridian, MS.

It could be someone local, or at least familiar enough with the area to blend in. Could be someone passing through. But I suspect we haven't seen the last fire.

So where's Homeland Security now? Or does it not work on domestic terrorists?

"This Old Detention House! sponsored by...

2006-02-07T12:26:00.000-06:00

... Pillage, Burn & Loot!" From Orcinus:

A Houston-based construction firm with ties to the White House has been awarded an open-ended contract to build immigration detention centers that could total $385 million, a move some critics called questionable.

The contract calls for KBR, a subsidiary of oil engineering and construction giant Halliburton, to build temporary detention facilities in the event of an "immigration emergency," according to U.S. officials.

"If, for example, there were some sort of upheaval in another country that would cause mass migration, that's the type of situation that this contract would address," said Jamie Zuieback of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

"Essentially, this is a contingency contract."

They make their contingency plans; I make mine.

KBR is notorious for shoddy construction standards. Escape should be no challenge at all.

Waving the bloody shirt

2006-02-06T10:17:00.000-06:00

Rockin' Roy Moore was quickly on the scene of the W. Alabama church burnings. No surprise there; and I give him kudos for the monetary donations. Then he waved the bloody shirt around, naturally, saying something about the "war on Christianity®".

I don't suppose tinfoil-hat-wearers took longer than 3 seconds to wonder: who could have the most to gain from fanning the flames in such a "holy" war?

I suspect it's just a couple "good ol' boys" who loaded up with a couple cases of beer, talked about the just-ended deer season and how they didn't get none, then talked about not havin' no money, and not bein' able to git a high-payin' job at Mercedes over in Vance, and then somebody brought up the old Klan days, then they up and loaded up the Chevalay with a few gas cans... Hey, it could happen!

Attempts at black comedy aside, consider this:

August 1982: Took a trip to Tuscaloosa with my dad, to see Grandpa in the hospital. Just south of town, a billboard was spray painted "GAS JEWS" and "KKK". I'd never actually seen such a thing, though I'd heard about it. "Wow... scary." Dad said, "Yeah, there's always gonna be some people who can't deal with life without blaming somebody else for something."

January 1983-August 1985: Near the Univ. of Alabama campus, there's a van in front of the bowling alley one weekend, covered with flags for sale, all nations, plus football banners. Two, maybe three weeks go by. A couple Nazi flags are draped on the Hillel and B'nai Br'ith houses overnight. Purely coincidence, yeah.

August 2004: Man hanging from tree investigated.

June 2005: Huge Confederate flag flying high over I-65.

February 2006: Chris Matthews says maybe liberals and gays burned down churches in the south.

Thanks for clearing that up, Chris.

"People like that there RE-form..."

2006-02-03T13:17:00.000-06:00

Reformer in upset win as Republican leader in US House

Republican lawmakers elected a reformer, John Boehner, to be their leader in the House of Representatives as the majority party seeks to shake off corruption scandals.

Yep, like Gov. Pappy O'Daniel in "O Brother Where Art Thou?", we need to get us some of that RE-form. Like this, Mr. Boehner?

(excerpted from David Harris)

Ten Things Every American Jew Should Know About John Boehner

1. For School Prayer and Amending the Constitution: Rep. Boehner supported a school prayer amendment to the United States Constitution in 1997

2. For Forced Religion in Anti-Poverty Programs

3. 100% Against a Woman's Right to Choose: Rep. Boehner received a "0%" pro-choice score from NARAL Pro-Choice America in 2005.

4. For Religious Employment Discrimination

5. Against the Rule of Law in Ten Commandments Case: Rep. Boehner voted to prevent the Justice Department from enforcing a court order to remove a 5,000 pound Ten Commandments monument from Alabama's state supreme court

6. Against Common-Sense Environmental Safeguards (voted for oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge)

7. For More Religious Employment Discrimination

8. Against Confronting Proselytizing at the Air Force Academy

9. Led the Effort to Inject Religious Employment Discrimination into Head Start

10. Pushed Ohio Schools to Embrace "Intelligent Design"

Yep, the House loves them some Tom DeLay-approved RE-form. Even greater things are no doubt in store for Mr. Boehner. How great? Well, just imagine --

You Were Perfectly Fine

2006-02-02T08:51:00.000-06:00

(with apologies to Dorothy Parker)

Administration backs off Bush's vow to reduce Mideast oil imports

WASHINGTON - One day after President Bush vowed to reduce America's dependence on Middle East oil by cutting imports from there 75 percent by 2025, his energy secretary and national economic adviser said Wednesday that the president didn't mean it literally.

The pale man eased himself carefully into the low chair, and rolled his head to the side, so that the cool chintz comforted his cheek and temple.

"Oh, dear," he said. "Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Oh."

The Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah, sitting light and erect on the couch, smiled brightly at him.

"Not feeling so well today?" he said.

"Oh, I'm great," he said. "Corking, I am. Know what time I got up? Four o'clock this afternoon, sharp. I kept trying to make it, and every time I took my head off the pillow, it would roll under the bed. This isn't my head I've got on now. I think this is something that used to belong to Walt Whitman. Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear."

"Do you think maybe a drink would make you feel better?" Abdullah said.

"The hair of the mastiff that bit me?" he said. "Oh, no, thank you. Please never speak of anything like that again. I'm through. I'm all, all through. Look at that hand; steady as a hummingbird. Tell me, was I very terrible last night?"

"Oh, goodness," Abdullah said, "everybody was feeling pretty high. You were all right."

"Yeah," he said. "I must have been dandy. Is everybody sore at me?"

"Good heavens, no," Abdullah said. "Everyone thought you were terribly funny. Of course, Condi was a little stuffy, there for a minute at dinner. But people sort of held her back in her chair, and got her calmed down. I don't think anybody at the other tables noticed at all. Hardly anybody."

"She was going to sock me?" he said. "Oh, Lord. What did I do to her?"

"Why, you didn't do a thing," Abdullah said. "You were perfectly fine. But you know how silly Condi gets when she thinks anybody is making too much fuss over Laura."

"Was I making a pass at Laura?" he said. "Did I do that?"

"Of course you didn't," Abdullah said. "You were only fooling, that's all. She thought you were awfully amusing. She was having a marvelous time. She only got a little tiny bit annoyed just once, when you poured the clam juice down her back."

"My God," he said. "Clam juice down that back. And every vertebra a little Cabot. What'll I ever do?"

"Oh, she'll be all right," Abdullah said. "Just send her some flowers or something. Don't worry about it. It isn't anything."

"No, I won't worry," he said. "I haven't got a care in the world. I'm sitting pretty. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Did I do any other fascinating tricks at dinner?"

"You were fine," Abdullah said. "Don't be so foolish about it. Everybody was crazy about you. The owner was a little worried because you wouldn't stop singing, but he really didn't mind. All he said was, he was afraid they'd close the place again, if there was so much noise. But he didn't care a bit, himself. I think he loved seeing you have such a good time. Oh, you were just singing away there, for about an hour. It wasn't so terribly loud, at all."

"So I sang," he said. "That must have been a treat. I sang."

"Don't you remember?" Abdullah said. "You sang one song after another. Everybody in the place was listening. They loved it. Only you kept insisting that you wanted to sing some song about some kind of addiction to black gold and white dust or other, and everybody kept shushing you, and you'd keep trying to start it again. You were wonderful. We were all trying to make you stop singing for a minute, and eat something, but you wouldn't hear of it. My, you were funny."

"Didn't I eat any dinner?" he said.

"Oh, not a thing," Abdullah said. "Every time the waiter would offer you something, you'd give it right back to him because you said that he was your long-lost brother, changed in the cradle by a gypsy band, and that anything you had was his. You had him simply roaring at you."

"I bet I did," he said. "I bet I was comical. Society's Pet, I must have been. And what happened then, after my overwhelming success with the waiter?"

"Why, nothing much," Abdullah said. "You took a sort of dislike to some old ex-Marine man with white hair, sitting across the room, because you didn't like his calling for troop withdrawals from Iraq, and you wanted to tell him about it. But we got you out before he got really mad."

"Oh, we got out," he said. "Did I walk?"

"Walk! Of course you did," Abdullah said. "You were absolutely all right. There was that nasty stretch of ice on the sidewalk, and you did sit down awfully hard, you poor dear. But good heavens, that might have happened to anybody."

"Oh, sure," he said. "Joe Lieberman or anybody. So I fell down on the sidewalk. That would explain what's the matter with my -- Yes, I see. And then what, if you don't mind?"

"Ah, now, George!" Abdullah said. "You can't sit there and say you don't remember what happened after that! I did think that maybe you were just a little tight at dinner -- Oh, you were perfectly all right, and all that, but I did know you were feeling pretty gay. But you were so serious, from the time that you fell down -- I never knew you to be that way. Don't you know, how you told me I had never seen your real self before? Oh, George, I just couldn't bear it, if you didn't remember that lovely long ride we took together in the taxi! Please, you do remember that, don't you? I think it would simply kill me, if you didn't."

"Oh, yes," he said. "Riding in the taxi. Oh, yes, sure. Pretty long ride, hmm?"

"Round and round the park," Abdullah said. "Oh and the trees were shining so in the moonlight. And you said you never knew before that you really had a soul."

"Yes," he said. "I said that. That was me."

"You said such lovely things," Abdullah said. "And I'd never known, all this time, how you had been feeling about me, and I'd never dared to let you see how I felt about you. And then last night -- oh, George dear, I think that taxi ride was the most important thing that ever happened to us in our lives."

"Yes," he said. "I guess it must have been."

"And we're going to be so happy," Abdullah said. "Oh, I just want to tell everybody! But I don't know -- I think maybe it would be sweeter to keep it all to ourselves."

"I think it would be," he said.

"Isn't it lovely?" Abdullah said.

"Yes," he said. "Great."

"Lovely!" Abdullah said.

"Look here," he said. "Do you mind if I have a drink? I mean, just medicinally, you know. I'm off the stuff for life, so help me. But I think I feel a collapse coming on."

"Oh, I think it would do you good," Abdullah said. "You poor boy. It's a shame you feel so awful. I'll go make you a whiskey and soda."

"Honestly," he said. "I don't see how you could ever want to speak to me again, after I made such a fool of myself last night. I think I'd better go join a monastery in Tibet."

"You crazy idiot!" Abdullah said. "As if I could ever let you go away now! Stop talking like that. You were perfectly fine!"

Crown Prince Abdullah jumped up from the couch, kissed him quickly on the forehead, and ran out of the room.

The pale man looked after him and shook his head long and slowly, then dropped it in his damp and trembling hands.

"Oh, dear," he said. "Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear."

Haven't got time for the pain

2006-01-31T09:06:00.000-06:00

Tonight's SOTU speech final draft, for those who haven't got time for the pain:

"Across our Nation, so many selfless deeds reflect the promise of the Scripture: 'For I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in.' Trent Lott's house, now, out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch. We're not going to engage in the blame game. What I intend to do is lead an investigation to find out what went right and what went wrong.

What didn't go right? in 2005? It's as if the entire Gulf Coast were obliterated by the worst kind of weapon you can imagine. Weapons of mass destruction. 9/11. Saddam Hussein. Iran. Axis of Evil. War on Terra. We've got plenty of troops to do ~~both~~ -- all three!

It is preposterous to claim that the engagement in Iraq meant there weren't enough troops. 9/11; World War II; blame game. Freedom is on the march; stay the course. Go about your business; don't live in fear, or the terr'ists win; buy stuff, or you're the enemy. Freedom isn't free. Tax cuts.

We got the force necessary to deal with the ~~terr'ists~~ ~~Social Security~~ ~~global warming~~ health care savings accounts situation. Bring 'em on!

We will make no distinction between poor black voters and ~~those who lost everything~~ who hate our freedoms. 9/11. They never stop thinking of ways to harm Amurka, and neither do liberals Hitler Democrats trial lawyers liberals Nazis Jimmy Carter we. Homeland security. Taking away your rights to protect your civil liberties. Thousand points of light.

In this job you've got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don't have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, 'Isn't it rich? Aren't we a pair? Send in the clowns... How do you think my standing will be?'

I believe we are called to do the hard work to make our communities and quality of life a better place. So we have a plan for taking away the burden of all that health insurance costs employers take on, you know, they do it all for their workers, which is what makes Amurka® great -- and we're passing ~~the costs~~ the savings on to you, the Amurkin people. HSAs, or horse shit healthcare savings accounts will show a greater return on your money, at least one-tenth of one percent, and when you have that medical emergency like a major surgery or just injuries from a traffic accident, you'll have your money available, right then, when you need it ~~even if all the medical care you need costs 10 times as much~~.

9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11! 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11! God Bless Amurka®!"

Top 10 things W won't tell you about the State of the Union

2006-01-31T08:54:00.000-06:00

From Juan Cole (italics commentary mine):

1. US economic growth during the last quarter was an anemic 1.1%, the worst in 3 years.

Clinton's fault.

2. The US inflation rate has jumped to 3.4 percent, the highest rate in 5 years.

Illegal immigrants' fault.

3. The number of daily attacks in Iraq rose from 52 in December, 2004 to 77 in December, 2005.

Michael Moore's fault. Wait, whatever happened to that annual report on Terrorism? Look, there's a memory hole right over there...!

4. A third of US veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, some 40,000 persons, exhibit at least some signs of mental health disorders. Some 14,000 were treated for drug dependencies, and 11,000 for depression.

Jane Fonda's fault.

5. Increases in American consumer spending come from borrowing.

Ted Kennedy's fault.

6. The $320 - $400 billion deficits run by the Bush administration may push up the cost of mortgages and loans.

"Hey, all that economists and numbers babble means nothing -- I can qualify for a $495,000 crib! WHERE DA HOOD AT!" See #5.

7. 58% of Americans think Bush is painting Iraq as rosier than it is. A majority thinks we should never have invaded the country.

Liberal media's fault. "But we got all those schools painted -- why do you hate our troops?"

8. The US military is at a breaking point.

I just can't make any jokes about this.

9. In fact, the US and Iran are tacit allies in Iraq.

Jimmy Carter's fault. "Uh-UH! Ahmed Chalabi is our friend! and he owes us!"

10. More money would be needed to finish the US reconstruction projects begun in Iraq.

"Sacrifice, Mr. President? You better break off some cash, yourself, Mr. Oil Man. You didn't spend all of it on weasel-dust and ho's! Big-Time Dick? Exxon just reported 26% jump in revenue and a nearly 30% increase in earnings per share -- cough up those dividends, asshole!"

Horse sense.

2006-01-30T08:29:00.000-06:00

An old farmer who was a bit addled refused to give up his farm. He lived alone, took care of himself, but absolutely hated to spend any money, and most of all he railed about the expense of horse feed. He got the bright idea that by feeding his one remaining old draught horse a little less each day, he'd get used to eating less, till eventually he could live on nothing. So time went by, the horse got thinner and weaker, till one day the farmer fed him one bite only. Next day, he'd be down to nothing at all, and he thought "Finally!" But the poor old horse dropped dead that night.

And what did the farmer say next morning? "Stupid horse, if only he could've waited ONE MORE DAY...!"

Why bring this up now, you say? Oh, I dunno.

According to Robert Burns, one of my favorite military writers, a recent study says that the Army has reached the breaking point.

Andrew Krepinevich, a retired Army officer who wrote the report under a Pentagon contract, concluded that the Army cannot sustain the pace of troop deployments to Iraq long enough to break the back of the insurgency. He also suggested that the Pentagon's decision, announced in December, to begin reducing the force in Iraq this year was driven in part by a realization that the Army was overextended.

He wrote that the Army is "in a race against time" to adjust to the demands of war "or risk `breaking' the force in the form of a catastrophic decline" in recruitment and re-enlistment.

Of course, Donald Rumsfeld isn't buying any of this Henny Penny talk.

Rumsfeld has argued that the experience of fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan has made the Army stronger, not weaker.

"The Army is probably as strong and capable as it ever has been in the history of this country," he said in an appearance at the Paul H. Nitze School of Advanced International Studies in Washington on Dec. 5. "They are more experienced, more capable, better equipped than ever before."

This is the same Donald Rumsfeld who said we sent enough troops to Iraq in the beginning and denied there was an insurgency going on in that country until about ten months into it.

Thanks to Jeff Huber for the above. Two of my favorite horse sense riddle/jokes (answers in comments):

Q) A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible?

Q) How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?

What a difference a year makes.

2006-01-27T11:41:00.000-06:00

Not a whole helluva lot, I'm sorry to say.

Dana still can't go visit Marcus. She threw up last time, can hardly drive past the cemetery. She misses him every single day. This is no surprise.

What's become clear to me since we met (3 years ago, Feb. 19) is that Marcus was THE MAN. Always was, has been, and will be.

She didn't worship her dad, but he was the human representation of all things God should be: everything that's good, strong, right, trustworthy, and ever-present to listen. Unconditional love.

Um... Yeah. I'd miss that, too. And sometime in the past year the light bulb went on for me: God really is dead. For Dana, anyway.

How could a wonderful man be allowed to suffer so, and for so long?

Marcus thought the world of me, I'm told. He wanted Dana & Harrison & Chandler to not be alone, wanted to know they'd be taken care of no matter what, after all they'd been through. I've been gathering the pieces of that story for awhile; it's nearly ready to be told.

Marcus never knew all of it. For now, let's just say he was happy Dana found someone who wouldn't beat her senseless.

But for every day that goes by, there's hope of healing. Strength to overcome can and will be found. Read this (warning, heartbreaking stuff) and see if it doesn't motivate ya:

1/29/05: Marcus touched every person who came in contact with him. If you didn't know him I will try to tell you what kind of man he was.

When I think of Marcus I think of a Saint. I have never come in contact with another man like him.

He had osteoporosis. He died from complications of pneumonia. He was forced, because of failing health, to leave the active ministry in 1994 while he was serving the Atmore First United Methodist Church. He had served there for around 10 yrs. He didn't want to leave and the people sure didn't want him to.

During the past 4 yrs he was confined to his bed and unable to get outside the house.

Today in the service, and anyone who talked about Marcus, some of the adjectives to describe him were FAITH, gentle, loyal, witty, sense of humor, caring, positive, humble, loves the Lord, man of God, calm, easy-going, and the list could go on and on.

It didn't matter when you went to see Marcus, you were uplifted and encouraged before you left. He always wanted to know how you were. One of the ministers said when he had surgery, who called to see how he was? Marcus. He NEVER complained. He loved the Lord and never questioned why me. (I have always wondered why Marcus, why such a good man like him, why did he have to suffer like that?) Marcus always said the Lord would provide his needs and NEVER waivered from his faith in the Lord. You could ask Marcus how he was, and his reply was always, "oh, I am doing alright." You never heard him say "I hurt", "I can't stand the pain", it was always a smile on his face and oh, I am alright. The doctors were amazed when one of his early x-rays showed that all up and down Marcus back there were cracks in the bones. Then arthritis set in.

Marcus could turn over in his bed, cough, or the slightest move and break a bone. His oldest brother, Rev. Edward Chandler, today at the service said for a year he prayed and asked the Lord to please let Marcus walk again, just one more time. The last time they stood him up they heard a loud pop. It was Marcus' hip joint, it exploded, went to pieces. Edward said after that he knew his prayer wouldn't be answered like he wanted, so he told the Lord, "I am ready to give him to you, take him when you see fit." No one said today they wanted Marcus back because we know he is dancing in heaven, jumping and running, and he knows the answers to all the whys......but we will miss him. Last Monday, before Marcus went unconscious, another brother asked him, "brother, are you ready to go home?" And Marcus nodded yes.

Marcus & Bonnie lived in Peterman AL (outside of Monroeville). Today, our minister, Dr. Doug Newton, said, for many members of our church who visited Marcus, Peterman was Jerusalem!

In the service bulletin, the last sentence about Marcus' life says it all. "A constant stream of family, friends, and former church members attest to the fact that Marcus lived out in these last days what he had been preaching for 30 years."

His wife, Bonnie, was always by his side. She never complained about the burden she had to bear by watching his suffering daily and taking care of him.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had a Celebration of Life at our funeral like Marcus did? What a wonderful world this would be!

Everyone is a better person for knowing Marcus Chandler.

Christian® nation makes Jesus weep, pt. 193

2006-01-25T15:28:00.000-06:00

From Marc Cooper:

'You take the captured, uniformed general of an enemy army – and in blatant violation of all notions of human decency and of the Geneva Conventions— you beat him with rubber hoses, pour water down his nose, then stuff him into a sleeping bag, tie him with electrical cord, and then sit your ass down on his chest until he suffocates and you are convicted of what? "Negligent homicide?"'

Just following orders, right. And who gave those orders? By the way, I'm not feeling safer; are you?

The over-used Blues Brothers analogy.

2006-01-23T15:18:00.000-06:00

Starring Carrie Fisher as the American people (Mystery Woman); and George W. Bush (as Joliet Jake):

[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]

Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.

Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.

[Jake falls to his knees]

Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault.

Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

Jake: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

[Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens]

Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey...

[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss]

Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go.

[He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]

What made me think of it? Dunno.

Victory is at hand

2006-01-23T14:11:00.000-06:00

Or "peace with honor", at least, in either Iraq and/or Afghanistan. Why? Rice says time for talking with Iran is over.

This probably is just more sabre-rattling. Either that or we're about to mobilize our least-used military division -- I'm sure you've heard of them:

The KISS army and the Salvation Army are about the only ones we've got left. But then again, those 30,000 Ford employees scheduled for layoffs will need work in the near future -- "Iran Invasion = Jobs for Amurka!"